Fate:Chaos Spiral
by Draconic
Summary: When one battle ended, it only set the stage for the conflict to come. They might have destroyed the Grail's physical manifestation, but the greater threat remains at large. The Fuyuki Grail system is still in place. Shirou and Rin return to Fuyuki in an attempt to stand between the world and disaster, but they may already be too late.
1. Chapter I: Welcome Back

**Author's Note: Some of you have been waiting a long time for the continuation of _Letters From Tohsaka_. So, here it is. I cannot promise that this story will ever reach its completion, or regular updates. However, I'll at least try and get a few chapters out. But I'll get on with this: Here's what you came for:**

* * *

Atop a mountain of corpses, a woman with a mountain of regrets knelt, having come to terms with her sins. After everything that happened, she had finally done something good. Something that she truly felt proud of when she had completed her task, even if it had ended with such a similar conclusion to that which had come before. A finale that had once left her drowning in the deepest depths of her despair and self-loathing.

But she could see now that from the very beginning, the War had been a farce. It wasn't worth fighting for a Grail that could only grant wishes borne from the darkest thoughts humanity was capable of producing.

She smiled.

"I'm sorry… Gawain, Bedivere… Lancelot, Kay… Tristan… Gareth, Gaheris... everyone…" she turned to look at the treacherous fool that lay beside her in that intimidating armor of red and silver. "Even you, Mordred. None of you…deserved this. At least…I'll never again try to solve this catastrophe…at the expense of another world."

She looked at the sword, embedded point down in the bloodstained earth before her. It gave her victory, just as promised, just at a greater cost than she had been prepared to pay. Yet she had known it all beforehand, and taken it up anyway.

The girl absently wondered where Morgan was. Her half-sister. She wanted to remove the king from the throne, but…

"I'm sure… she never wanted this either."

Perhaps if they found each other now, they could reconcile? No, they were more likely to attempt to kill each other again. Their values were far too different. And Morgan's spite ran too deep for the young woman to make assumptions.

From somewhere below, she found she could hear a voice.

Someone alive amidst all this destruction? It seemed impossible. Was it calling to her? She tried to listen, but she could barely understand the sound of her own voice anymore, much less that of another. She slumped forward. It surprised her that she could ever have forgotten. What a strange thing to forget… that she was approaching death's door.

Soon… it would be over. The story of the girl who sacrificed everything about herself to be the perfect King. It would finally come to an end. And for one agonizingly long moment, she found that she was terrified. She didn't want to die! She hadn't even lived to see her twentieth year! There was so much… so much that she was capable of accomplishing… If she had only been able to understand others.

But this wasn't a battle she could win. She had been dealt a mortal wound.

It was time.

…

* * *

Taiga left quickly enough, having to get to Homurahara before classes started.

By the time she left, Rin was itching to get started. However, before she did that, there was one thing she needed taken care of. Specifically, she gave Sakura a meat shield. It's name was the Weasel, and no one would miss him if he got his head blown off, and he totally didn't throw a fit of resentful abuse in her directing After she said all of that out loud.

"In all seriousness though, Shinji Matou, if anything happens to Sakura while I'm still in Fuyuki, if any harm at all comes to her, I will hold you responsible. If she gets hurt, you get hurt. If she dies, so help me, I swear on my very name that you'll follow her to the afterlife in _very_ short order. Are we clear?"

She received a terrified nod. Thus did Shinji become Sakura's new bodyguard in a curious and sudden instance of roll reversal. He didn't dare argue. She had actually used his name for the first time in years, and she wouldn't even use it in front of their teachers back when they were in high school. She meant every syllable of that threat.

As Rin had explained to Shirou on plane ride over, she wanted to transplant the essentials from her father's workshop into Shirou's storage shed, and to that end, she had started cleaning out various bits of metal detritus that Shirou had used to practice his magecraft. Shirou fetched a broom and a feather duster, and handed them off to Rin, who began sweeping up while he moved stacks of boxes as per her instructions. They didn't need to remove everything, just a few stacks and the junk littered across the floor. This took the better part of two hours. An odd sensation prickled at the back of Rin's mind when she was inside the shed, but focused as she was on her own and Shirou's tasks, she couldn't quite place it.

Meanwhile, Shinji, having given up on his argument with Sakura from earlier, had gone back to his computer and was writing code furiously, his hands jabbing at the keyboard hard enough to make loud clicking noises, but not so hard as to damage the keys. Sakura was cleaning up from breakfast.

Rin made to walk further inside to move another box, and felt her foot brush along a groove in the floor.

"What did I just—" she looked down to see a curved live carved into the floor, along with a few intricate designs. Whatever it was, it was covered by boxes, but Rin had a pretty good idea what she had just found. She recognized that pattern, but moreover, she remembered what that odd sensation was.

"Hey, Shirou? Help me move these."

He turned to look at her as she struggled to push the large stacks. He joined in her effort, pressing his back against it and pushing with his legs. And slowly, one pile of boxes began to move. Rin looked down at the floor and smirked. Of course she had been right.

"Did you know this was here?" she leered up at Shirou. He found himself shivering as though the temperature had dropped below zero.

"Yes?" he tried to say.

"Ugh, you are such an idiot sometimes!" she let out an ever-suffering sigh. "Well, as long as we're here, we may as well try and summon a Servant for you."

They devoted about half an hour to getting the boxes obstructing the circle out of the way. It was unlikely that they would actually be a problem, but nevertheless, it didn't hurt to make sure. A clean workspace was a safe(ish) workspace.

"What about you?" Shirou asked after they had gotten a significant number of boxes out of the shed.

"What about me what?"

"Summoning a Servant for yourself," Shirou reminded her of what they had been discussing earlier.

"I have a summoning circle in my own house, so I'm going to use that one," she said, suddenly pausing.

"Actually, since you don't have a catalyst, you should probably wait until your mana is at its peak, so you'll have a better chance of getting a good servant. What time are you at yo—"

She was utterly stupefied when Shirou completely ignored her suggestion, walking over to the still partially covered circle.

"Wait, what the hell are you doing?!"

"Don't worry, I got this."

"No you don't! You don't know anything about summoning a heroic spirit! You told me yourself that summoning Saber was an accident!"

"Look, I know there's absolutely no way you'll believe me, but what if I told you that I know I'll summon her again?"

"What?" she gave him a look.

"I'm being completely serious," he said, "I don't know why, or how, but I'm sure that I'll summon Saber again."

"You are completely out of your damn head," she seethed. Shirou could practically see steam pouring out of her ears.

"Just trust me. Please. Just this once. If it doesn't work, then it'll serve me right for being so arrogant. If it does… well, then we have Saber again."

"You're an idiot. You were still memorizing the incantation on the plane ride over here!"

Shirou smiled at her.

"Don't worry. I promise, I _will_ summon Saber."

He projected a dagger from his reality marble and held it over his hand.

"Uh, stop! You don't have to do that!" Rin yelped.

Shirou looked at her quizzically. "I heal pretty quickly, so it shouldn't be a problem…"

"Yeah, but I have powdered silver, and that'll work just fine too. I don't want you to do this, but if you're going to do something incredibly stupid, at least do it without bleeding all over the place."

She dug around in her bag of gems, pulling out a thick glass flask of the aforementioned substance and handed it to him.

"This is your first actual summoning ritual. You realize what you're doing is tantamount to suicide if you want to keep people from dying in this Grail War?"

Shirou took the sparkling dust and scattered it on the floor.

"It won't be. I can feel it. I can't explain it, but I know I'll get her. For a fact. I'm _that_ sure it'll work."

"Hmph," she looked away hautily, "Watch it be some deranged loon. Caligula would serve you right."

Shirou rolled his eyes.

The dust began flowing through the grooves in the floors and the circle began to glow with an otherworldly light.

* * *

Even as she felt herself drifting away, something tugged her back. Sharply at first, but steadily losing its bite.

The clouds above her parted ever so slightly, and angel stairways descended, illuminating the carnage around her. It felt like…

"████"

It was a different voice. Someone other than the person crying out below her at the foot of the hill. This time, she couldn't hear it, but she could understand it. Someone was calling out to her. She reached up toward the sky with her waning strength.

A third time? Why? There was no point, was there? She had made peace with her decision. It wasn't as though she needed to answer the call either.

Another pang of terror struck her. It only lasted a fraction of a second, but that was all the time she needed to make her decision. Perhaps if she survived the coming conflict, she could…

No. It wouldn't do to make plans that far in advance. But by the time she thought that, she already felt the ground beneath her feet slip away.

She supposed she would find her answers in due course. The world around her faded. She knew what to say. The words felt far too natural coming from her mouth.

"I ask you," she said as the world resolved around her again… "Are you worthy, to be—"

…And left her in some astonishingly familiar surroundings…

* * *

He saw the scabbard in his mind's eye, rotating in a void.

He continued his incantation, and for a moment, Rin realized he fully meant what he was saying.

 _I hereby swear that I will be all the good in the world._

 _That I will defeat all evil in the world._

Those verses were practically Shirou Emiya's mission statement. To a certain degree at least. Moments later, he completed the summoning ritual. The light turned blue, but it was so blindingly bright that neither Shirou nor Rin could tell.

Then something became visible. The silhouette of a young woman in armor. The light began to dim, revealing a regal blue dress, thick gauntlets and a shining silver cuirass.

"I don't believe it," Rin breathed.

Shirou, having been closer to the light was still unable to see anything.

Amidst the ocean of blue, Rin saw a shock of gold, and two points of green.

In front of him, Shirou could see the sword, just waiting for him to grasp it. To join him again, just as before.

He reached for it.

The sword reached back.

Before his eyes even had time to readjust, Shirou felt the gauntlet grasping his hand. It could easily have been someone else, but he knew, even if he couldn't quite see her. He _knew_. And Rin's gobsmacked utterance only confirmed his success.

"I ask of you…" came a familiar voice, "are you worthy to be— … _Shirou?!_ "

He knew that voice. Even after five years, his memory of it had been perfect. It was so good to hear it again.

It was strange to think that this girl had been part of his life for approximately a week, and yet she had left an impact on him more than equal to many people he'd known all his life. He scratched the back of his neck, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Well, I guess. I mean, I hope I am, because I don't know how to be anyone else."

He finally saw her, in all her resplendent glory.

He turned to shoot a triumphant smirk at Rin, whose expression was beyond priceless, wide eyed, her mouth open wider than he had ever seen it. She was looking from him to the King of Knights, pointing at Saber like she was some sort of miracle. Which, technically speaking, wasn't inaccurate.

"I'm glad to see that one of us finds this amusing," said Arturia, "Not that I find this arrangement disagreeable. Far from it. Merely that it is so far beyond unlikely that it approaches the realm of impossibility."

Rin took a deep breath, swallowed hard.

Shirou nodded at Saber, looking for a moment at the command seals that had appeared on the back of his left hand, and turned back to Rin. Just for a moment.

"Told you," he said.

Tohsaka didn't say anything. There was a noise coming from the back of her throat that would be best described as a cross between the sounds of a slowly deflating balloon, and a tired yet agitated cockatiel.

Whatever it was, it was long, drawn out, and confusing Saber.

"Shirou, has something happened to Rin?"

"I think I just did something that doesn't compute by summoning you. She was beyond certain I couldn't."

Saber broke eye contact for a moment.

"To be fair, neither did I, and I've only just arrived… again." She looked back up and stared intently at both mages, as though examining them for some fine, yet very specific detail. "You don't appear to be very much older than you were when we last saw one another. How much time has passed since we destroyed the Grail?"

"Around five years," Shirou answered, "why do you ask?"

She smiled, a sly glint in her eyes.

"Because, Shirou, by my admittedly rough estimation, I last saw you facing off against Archer… rather, Gilgamesh, around two hours ago."

Shirou nearly choked on his own saliva.

"Huh?"

"My perception. I returned to the moment before I was summoned, and then I was summoned once again."

"That's actually the first thing I've heard in the past five minutes that's made any sense," Rin grouched.

"I can't wrap my head around it," Shirou winced in concentration.

"Think of it this way: You have a magic box. Inside the box time slows to a crawl, while outside it continues as usual. If you go into the box at one point, when you come out, it could be several minutes later.

"One minute in the box could equal ten minutes outside. Or one minute inside could be over a year outside."

"I may need some time to process that," he confessed.

"I don't mean to pry, but seeing as you're still alive, I take it you defeated Gilgamesh?"

Shirou grinned.

"He could barely even touch me."

"What did you use to win? If you don't mind me asking."

"Nothing. Just a nameless sword with no magical properties. I did a feint and dived at him behind Rho Aias. I used my momentum to chop through his right arm at the shoulder. Probably the reason I won, actually, because the weapon he'd pulled the moment before was just… anathema. It didn't even make sense. Forget not being able to copy it, just _looking_ at it was like driving a spike into my skull.

"I managed to keep him from retrieving it and slashed him across his chest. He actually tried to commit suicide, instead of giving me the satisfaction of killing him.

"Before he could though, I don't even know what happened. The Grail… it… it did something… tried to suck him in. Or at least that's what it looked like. He managed to grab me with some sort of chain to try and escape. And then… well…"

Saber didn't say anything. She just tilted her head to the side curiously, as if to say 'go on.'

"I heard _Archer_ tell me to move over slightly, and then an arrow lodged itself dead center in Gilgamesh's forehead."

"Yes. Rin and I encountered a similar phenomenon. He helped Rin escape from the Grail's black excretion. I did not understand how he managed it. Archer died, did he not?"

"I think he came back in his capacity as a Counter Guardian. Combat the Grail, or something like that. But, whatever the case, he was the same old Archer."

"You sound unenthused."

Shirou rolled his eyes.

"I can't really deny that. I hate his guts."

"Archer was literally just, well, you but older," Rin snipped before a smirk worked its way onto her face. "His guts are your guts."

Saber covered her mouth and nose with her hand to stifle a chuckle. This still seemed to agitate Shirou considerably however, and she looked up at him apologetically, though still wearing a wide smile.

"Oh, come on, that barely passes for humor," he complained.

"Look, Saber, we're about to head out to my house," Rin interjected, hoping to get back on track, "do you still have your casual clothes?"

"I would expect otherwise, though I can always check."

Saber closed her eyes, focused, and her armor vanished, leaving only her blue dress, breeches and boots. She shook her head. Shirou decided they'd have to do without her for the time being, but Saber had vetoed that plan when it was barely more than halfway out of his mouth. A few more minutes of discussion brought them to a familiar conclusion: They'd have to borrow some of Rin's clothes again. Fortunately, there were plenty of those back at her house, but to get there, Saber would likely need to borrow something else, so that meant that before they could leave, Rin had to at least start unpacking in one of the guest rooms, and get some stuff out of her suitcase. And that required her to lug her suitcase all the way across Shirou's admittedly large house.

After a few minutes, Rin returned carrying some more modern accouterments, discovering that Sakura had met Saber while Rin was in her room, and had greeted her far more amicably than she had last time. At least Shirou could say he understood why that was this time around.

The clothes Rin gage her weren't quite what Saber was used to, but the black blouse and jeans were enough to get her out if the house without people gawking at her. She took a moment to go out into the hallway and change clothes, something she managed to do startling quickly at barely even one minute.

The moment she reentered the living room, something nearby roared and Tohsaka looked around wildly for whatever monster had made the noise, rolling up her left sleeve. Shirou on the other hand merely blinked and walked into the kitchen.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble?" Saber asked timidly, just as Rin caught on.

Sakura giggled despite herself. Then she was distracted when she felt a draft, and found that one of the doors had been left open. As she went to close it, she caught a glimpse of the courtyard, and noticed several stacks of boxes had been pushed out of the storage shed. Out of curiosity, she decided to have a look inside. It would only take a moment.

* * *

As per Saber's request, they were now sitting in the living room eating an early lunch.

Sakura had joined them earlier, clued in to the lunch plans when she heard the sound of dishes being moved about. She was just watching the dynamic between the three of them for now however. She tried to get a feel for what her chances were, but it was difficult. They could cooperate even while arguing. They chided each other, Rin being particularly merciless, but there was still a lot of affection. Observing from a judgmental perspective was making Sakura's head feel…very not good. There was definitely a word for that, and it was a pretty common one too, she was sure of it, but for some reason her brain had decided that it had done enough work and apparently language was on break. She eventually decided to just listen. And the moment she did, she could already feel the headache going away. Oh right, that word she was looking for was 'awful.'

"You're telling me that you heard her calling to you?" Rin asked, her voice dripping skepticism.

"I didn't say that. I said that I _felt_ like she was calling out to me. I didn't hear anything. It was more like… you know how sometimes a person brushes past you and they don't quite touch you, but you sort of feel something going by? It was like that."

"You're being extremely vague. What you're saying doesn't make sense."

"I'm rather uncertain as to how accurate your testimony is," added Saber. "However, I am nevertheless pleased with this outcome."

"Excuse me," piped Rin, "but there's something that I have to say really quick. I've been holding it in since he summoned you, but I feel like I'm going to crack at any moment."

Neither the Servant, nor her Master knew how to respond to her. What did that even mean? Tohsaka was known to be impulsive on occasion, but why was she making an announcement out of it?

She took a deep breath. Then started dancing around Shirou like he was some sort of religious totem.

"You did it, you did it, you actually freaking did it! I didn't believe you could, and then you proved me wrong, which never happens, but oh my god, you freaking DID IT!"

She took another deep breath, and adopted a more dignified stance.

"Can you _please_ keep it down! Some people are actually trying to work here!" Shinji growled.

"Like I care about a weasel playing around with a giant calculator. ("That's it, I am _done_ here.") Okay, glad I got that out of my system. The first one of you to tell anyone about this little episode dies. The second person… also dies."

She ignored Shinji as he slapped his laptop closed and stalked out into the courtyard hallway.

"You make a very convincing argument," Shirou answered, deadpan.

"I am so serious right now, you have no idea."

"Yeah, yeah, I wasn't questioning that."

She gave him a suspicious look.

"Just know that I'm watching you. Always. Watching you."

"Do you really have to make things weird?"

"Weird, maybe, but no one and nothing in this world will ever be weirder than you."

"That seems like an unfair statement," noted Saber.

"Life isn't fair—" Rin started with a grin only for it to expire on her face, as she saw the disappointed stink eye Saber had briefly directed at her.

"I'm well aware of that fact."

Though Shirou's mana capacity had improved over his time at the Clock Tower, he was still unable to provide her with the mana she needed on his own. That being the case, he had still made several strides forward. Of particular note was that she was able to use her anti-fortress Noble Phantasm without immediately vanishing, though the kind of frantic cooking he would most certainly be required to do after the fact was as much a deterrent as any.

Before they finished eating, Shirou remembered that he had missed asking her something vital. Or at least, it felt vital to him.

"Oh, r-right, I almost forgot, Saber. I, well, Rin told me who you were…er…are… a while back. I-I just wanted to know if you'd prefer it if I called you by something with more of an honorific? Like a 'Your Majesty' or something?"

Saber actually went bright red at the mention of said honorifics. Oddly enough, she also hung her head, letting her bangs hide her eyes from view. If Rin didn't know better, she would have sworn that Saber somehow felt ashamed of her position.

"I'd actually like it most…if you could avoid bringing up my kingship, if at all possible."

"Then when we're around friends, maybe just, uh, actually it feels kind of strange to call you Arth—"

"Arturia," she corrected, smiling, and lifting her head to look back at the two mages. "That will be fine. Nevertheless, I have no qualms with Saber either. I admit, I've gotten rather used to it over the past few weeks."

Meanwhile, Sakura looked thoughtfully at the summoning circle she had found in the storage shed earlier.

"Hmmm…"

* * *

Shinji left the living room behind. He had gotten used to aggravation, but ever since the Holy Grail War—the previous one since there was evidently a new one because one clusterfuck just wasn't enough—Rin Tohsaka was nothing short of intolerable to him. He couldn't tell whether he'd grown complacent, or whether the annoying quirks she had as a mage had just hit him with a vengeance after going so long without dealing with it. They were almost the same thing as was the result, so it really didn't matter until he got a motherfucking aneurysm. Once, he would have kicked Sakura against the wall for ten minutes, taking all his pent up anger out on her, but that was before she returned the favor by saving his sorry ass over and over again. He really hated that he had become so dependent on her. At least that freakish vampire Servant hadn't come in. Maybe she needed to be invited to get into the house?

No… that was as ridiculous as it was superstitious. What the hell was… What the hell was his dunce of a sister doing in the storage shed?

Sakura noticed Shinji step into the shed behind her, carrying his laptop under his arm. She was mostly just staring at the circle on the floor in front of them though.

"Are you pining for him in here aga— _Oh no!_ "

Oh. So he noticed. Darn.

" _No_ , don't do it. _Don't do it, moron!_ You heard Tohsaka; if something happens to you, I'm a dead man. This _definitely_ qualifies as something happening to you!" he snapped.

"I know. But, this is a Holy Grail War," Sakura protested. "We're in danger no matter what. This will only make things safer."

"If you go through with this, I swear to god, I will punch you, screw what that bitch said!"

"But I—"

"Think about it, Sakura, doing this just puts a big flashing red target on your back. You can still avoid that," he skulked in a circle around her, prompting her to fidget with discomfort. "If you summon something here, you might as well start wearing a giant sign saying 'tear my lungs out.' Avoiding Grandfather's Servant will become the least of your worries. You'll be in danger constantly.

"But you can avoid all of that," he hissed. "All you have to do, is walk. away. Right now."

Sakura giggled. Not her dangerous, unstable giggle either. It was genuine laughter. Shinji's 'stressed' face tagged out and was replaced by his 'damn that Tohsaka' face. He never thought that Sakura would be able to embarrass him.

"What's so funny?" he growled, "And think carefully about your answer."

"You're like the devil, Shinji, don't you think?" she smiled, "Maybe more like the little one who stands on a person's shoulder opposite a little angel?"

Shinji moved on to his 'I hate my life' face. He'd keep it on for a while. It'd probably be useful in both the short and long term.

"I don't even need to guess who the angel standing on your other shoulder is," he grumbled. "Wait, don't—"

"It's Senpai."

"—say it…" he groaned. Too late. "Look, I will seriously punch you if you go ahead with this!"

It seemed as though that was the wrong thing to say. In fact, it seemed to solidify her resolve.

"No. I have to—" she twitched. "—to do this."

She stood up straight. Almost proudly even.

"I'm going to help my sister!" she declared.

She…really believed in what she was doing. That it was the right thing. Well, maybe if she hated herself a little less, she'd at least be a little less irritating.

She moved to bite down on her hand. She didn't have a catalyst, so her own blood would have to do, but she stopped before her hand was half-way to her mouth. She twitched again.

Wait.

Those weren't twitches. Those were spasms!

Shinji went pale enough to earn the jealousy of a ghost.

"Oh, shit," he groaned.

Sakura retched, then her legs gave out. She supposed it was that 'other' time of the month as she slid to her knees in front of the circle. Another retch, and she vomited up altogether too many crest worms. At least they were dead and not squirming around, but it was still pretty horror-movieish.

Then what Shinji was afraid would happen came to pass. The circle lit up, eerie red light pouring from the intricate patterns. The crest worms began to melt into a bloody soup which slid into the carving, as though it was devouring them.

Sakura, still nauseated, could only think of one thing.

The words! What were the words?! It had to be now!

She knew what she had to say already; it was there somewhere in her memories. She just had to find it!

"For… for the elements…" she choked before forcing herself to continue, "For the elements… silver and iron… and in the name… of the third family!" she didn't stand up. She could barely hold herself up on her hands and knees, but she forced herself to speak clearly.

Her recitation was halting and most certainly flawed, but she managed to get through the entire ceremony.

The glow reached its blazing finale, and then slowly dimmed back down to nothing.

Which is exactly what appeared before them. Nothing had happened. Nothing at all.

They waited for a few more moments, but it was in vain.

"Well, I said I was going to hit you, so now I will," he pulled his arm back, "you're _insane_ , and—"

He stopped short as he suddenly found his fist caught in a merciless vice grip.

"I don't know who you think you are," said a terrifyingly familiar voice, smooth as a snake's, with a barely perceptible accent, "or what you think you are doing. But I shall give you only one warning: You will never again attempt to lay a hand on my Master, or I will teach you how the rabbit feels when the wolf plays with its food."

Shinji knew this woman. He would recognize the outrageously long violet hair and that strange blindfold anywhere.

It was hard to forget someone when you watched one of your teachers punch her hard enough to snap her neck and twist her head all the way around twice.

"R-R-Rider?! But, it's me! You know who I am, you were my Servant!"

"That would have been an existence apart from my own. I apologize if I do not remember you, but as things stand, that girl is my Master, and you are little more than a snack. And likely an unsatisfying one."

"Rider…don't hurt him," Sakura moaned.

"You both seem to know me, though I'm afraid my memories of past summonings are not as easily recovered as they are by certain other servants. I apologize. I will need to get to know you again from a blank slate, Master," she knelt before Sakura.

"That's…okay," she whispered. Why was everything fuzzy? Uh oh. She needed to tell Rider—

"The owner of this house… and my sister. They have their own Servants… Please don't…don't…hurt…"

"Master?!" she heard her Servant call out to her, but she was just so…

…she couldn't…

…

* * *

With Saber prepared to leave, all three of them headed to Rin's house. It was mid-afternoon when they arrived.

Before doing anything relating to the protection of their city, Rin decided that there was something she wanted to try out. She had given Shirou a tour of most of her house when they had started dating, showing him just about everything there was to see with the exception of several rooms; noteworthy exceptions being her father's workshop in the basement, the washrooms (it was good enough for him to know where they were, she didn't need to walk him through them), and of course, her bedroom.

She had decided she wanted to see what would happen if she removed an item from that list. She was going to remove two actually, but one in particular.

"Saber, would you mind waiting in the study for a few minutes?" she asked. "I just need to borrow your Master for a bit."

"Very well. I trust you will not allow any harm to come him."

Rin smirked.

"Not any lasting harm."

"Wait, what?" Saber jumped to her feet, wide eyed.

"You've got nothing to worry about, Saber," Shirou said reassuringly. "She's kidding. I hope," he added as an afterthought.

Rin then took hold of his wrist and led him up the stairs, leaving the somewhat bewildered knight behind them.

"So, you've seen most of the place already, but I've been dying to show you in here from the moment we got back."

She opened the door to her room and led him inside.

There was no visible change on his features. If anything, Shirou seemed to be evaluating the contents of the room.

She felt her bag of jewels and her pendant rattling around uncomfortably in her pocket, and set them down on her end table next to that evil alarm clock.

"There's kind of a lot of empty space for a bedroom," Shirou said curiously. She frowned with one corner of her mouth, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

"Yeah, well you're one to talk!" she tossed back.

"Point taken. Actually now that I think about it, it's less that there's a lot of empty space, and more that it's just a very big room. I mean, the colors are nice. It's very… you, I guess, with all the red. And the curtains are nice too, but it's still so huge. Don't you feel lonely going to sleep in a room like this?"

Well, if that wasn't an invitation, what was?

"Not particularly," she said, "But I suppose that I could do something to remedy the possibility."

She grabbed the front of Shirou's jacket and fell backwards onto her bed, giving him a quick peck on the lips while he was still off balance. Her pendant slipped out of her pocket and she caught it just before it fell, hastily placing it on her night table.

"Is now really the time?" he asked. Though his tone was that of annoyance, it was impossible for him to hide the smile on his face. Victory was hers. She went in for a kiss. He dodged.

"I do like your choice in furniture though. The canopy bed is probably something I'd like if I were able to sleep above floor level."

Rin momentarily stopped trying to make out.

"You know, I was disappointed that you weren't embarrassed by coming in here, but I think you just made up for it," she snickered, "because that may be the most feminine thing I've ever heard you say."

"Why would I be embarrassed? I come into your room every other morning to wake you up. Why would it feel different just because it's in another house?"

Before Rin could respond to that, he added, "The bed'd probably be nicer with curtains to match the ones on the windows."

"Emiya, are you sure you aren't a lesbian?"

"What?"

"Perhaps you don't understand the vernacular. You see, a lesbian is a woman who is interested in other women, and as you're obviously a chick—"

"Oh, shut up!" he groaned.

"How can I when you just jump right into these traps? And you're so cute when you're blushing."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"If you're finished sexually assaulting my Master, would you mind returning to the matter at hand?"

"Yikes!" Shirou nearly jumped out of his skin as he and Rin both turned bright red. He took a deep breath. "It's… it's not assault, Saber. We've been dating for over a year now."

Saber was the one to blush this time.

"Yes, I had assumed. I apologize, I had jumped to a false conclusion that the two of you had gotten into an argument because I heard a few loud exclamations."

She asked if they would prefer that she leave them alone.

"It's probably a good thing that you got us when you did, actually," said Rin. She straightened out her shirt, which had begun riding up her body. "We are here for a reason after all. Though, I have to ask, how did you come to the conclusion that I was assaulting him. He was the one on top."

Saber blushed again, "You did have your hands around his collar."

Rin blinked. That was actually a good point.

Once she had also shown Shirou around her father's old workshop, they spent the day packing up items that Rin expected she would need over the course of her stay at the Emiya household and preparing for the summoning ritual that would take place that night, or perhaps more accurately, the following morning.

With help from Shirou and Saber, she had carried several bags, boxes and other containers full of gems loaded with magical energy up the stairs from the basement and into the front hall, transferring the contents of each container into suitcases. It wouldn't do to go walking around in public carrying several large, open crates full of jewels or strange-looking equipment, for obvious reasons. They went back and forth between their houses several times.

The hours dragged on and on, every tick made by the clocks in the house making Rin more anxious to get started. She nearly lost her restraint and performed the ritual at midnight, but eventually, the time came.

It was two o' clock.

If there really was a war about to start, this was where things truly began.

She held a number of jewels in her right hand and as she raised it over the summoning array, they slowly began to melt.

The liquid crystal began to drip into the grooves in the floor, flowing through them at a steady pace, and the circle began to glow with an otherworldly light.

" _For the elements silver and iron, and for my great Master, Schweinorg:_

 _Close the four gates._

 _Come forth from the crown and follow the forked road that leads to the kingdom._

 _Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill._

 _Repeat five times,_

 _But when each is filled, destroy it._

 _Set._

 _Heed my words:_

 _My will creates your body, and your sword creates my destiny._

 _If you heed the Grail's call and obey my will and reason_

 _Then answer my summoning!_

 _I hereby swear, I shall be all the good in the world._

 _That I shall defeat all evil in the world._

 _Seventh heaven, clad in the great words of power_

 _Come forth from the binding circle, thou guardian of the scales!"_

As Rin completed her incantation, she looked at the back of her right hand, where her command seals had appeared. She looked around for her servant. For a moment she didn't see anyone, but then, with a shimmering flourish, a woman in gleaming azure and silver armor appeared before her. Her turquoise hair reached almost all the way down to her knees, and seemed to flow around her like a cape. But it was her eyes that were most striking. They were like windows to the night sky, and held an intangible sadness. What drew Rin's attention next was the large spear she held in her right hand with a vaguely heart-shaped blade.

The heroic spirit stood by silently, evaluating Rin as much as Rin was evaluating her.

"If I may ask, are you to be my Master in this conflict?"

"Yes, that is correct. And you're a Lancer, if your weapon is any indication."

"Indeed."

Behind her, Shirou let out the breath he'd been holding.

"And why do you sound so relieved?" Rin asked.

"You're going to kill me for reminding you now instead of five minutes ago. See, I'm just kind of glad it slipped your mind that your pendant would ensure that you summoned Archer. And you left it in your room. I'm actually a little surprised that you didn't get him anyway."

Rin stated at him blankly, a blush slowly creeping up her neck and onto her face. She trembled furiously, clenching and unclenching her fists.

"I'd break your face for being a total scumbag, but…" she looked away. One deep breath. Then another. Her voice was nearly in a whisper, "But it was my mistake. I should have remembered, so it's on me."

"That's surprisingly mature of you, Rin," Saber acknowledged.

Rin spun around and just barely stopped herself from grabbing the collar of Saber's breastplate.

"Are you saying I'm immature?"

"Not at all, merely that you tend to display rather… aggressive behavior when confronted with your own deficiencies."

"That's not calling her immature?" asked Shirou, cringing slightly.

Saber blinked.

"My mistake. Rin, please accept my apologies," she said, giving a short bow.

Rin was about to try and make social commentary about having been bowed to by a king, but she was more eager to continue grilling Shirou, so she asked Lancer if she would wait just a few minutes before they introduced themselves properly. Lancer agreed, and Rin turned back to her boyfriend.

"So, why didn't you remind me, Shirou?"

"It's nothing against you. I just don't want to give my competition a leg up after I've already defeated him."

"Competition? What kind of idiotic thing is that to say?"

"It's not idiotic. You liked Archer more than you like me. Of course he's my competition."

Saber's eyes said she was horrified, but her mouth said she was stifling a laugh.

"So, if you really loved me, wouldn't you have done the opposite?"

"Let's just say that I've found something that I like, and I'm not going to roll over and let an asshole have it."

"I'm playing the objectification card."

"Well I'm playing the I hate Archer's guts card!"

"That has nothing to do with it! Also, his guts are your guts."

"Yeah, yeah, I remember from when you told me this afternoon," Shirou deadpanned.

Lancer looked at Saber.

"Is she dissatisfied with me, do you think?" Lancer seemed ever so slightly troubled by the thought.

Saber shook her head. "From my experience with her, she's prone to very brief episodes of hysteria, but she's more than ready to accept you as her Servant."

The two Masters in the room abruptly stopped arguing when Shirou abruptly held up a hand, and Rin fell silent on impulse.

"Is everything alright? Did you hear something?"

"No, not really. Everything's fine, actually. It's just… I noticed something."

"So you cut yourself off in the middle of a sentence a second ago," Rin snipped, "because you 'noticed something?' Care to tell me what that 'something' might be?"

The answer she received this time was even less straightforward than the last. Hell, he answered her question with a question of his own, and boy was it random.

"Well, Tohsaka…" Shirou looked around at the cramped, dark study, "are you sure that this is your entire basement?"

There were a lot of possibilities that Rin had considered when she thought about what he was going to say. This was not in the list, nor the backup list. It actually took her a few seconds to process what she was hearing.

"Beg your pardon, come again?"

"Is this your whole basement?" he repeated. "It's just that… well, you've got a really big house. So why would the basement be smaller than my storage shed?"

And with that, he had thrown her for yet another loop. Because not only did that make sense, she had never even thought about it before, and she really, _really_ should have.

While considering what Shirou has asked her, she caught a few snippets of a conversation being held by Saber and Lancer. Perhaps it was only appropriate that they were talking about food. From the few bits and pieces she could hear, her new Lancer was something of a heavy drinker.

"I, uh… never really thought much about it," she said, focusing on the task at hand, "but I have to admit you've actually got a point."

With a nod, he strode over to a wall, and asked one last question.

"Do you want me to have a look?"

"I can't see the harm in it. Knock yourself out, I guess."

Placing a hand on the wall, Shirou closed his eyes and whispered the incantation that all present company (with one nktabme exception) had grown so accustomed to hearing.

" _Trace On."_

Within seconds of having analyzed that one wall, he was walking over to one of her father's bookshelves. He pulled a book away, or appeared to try. It came halfway out before there was a heavy clunk and the shelf swung open to reveal a hidden room.

Rin couldn't decide whether to be impressed, or just annoyed that she hadn't found this room herself in all the years that she's lived here.

"Well, I could say I'm not curious, but I'd be lying," she sighed.

Oddly enough, when she looked at Saber to get her take on the subject, she found trepidation in her eyes.

For now, she ignored it. Shirou's eyes were asking if she wanted to venture inside. She nodded, joining him as he stepped into the darkness beyond. She pulled a gem out of her satchel and it began to glow with a soft, ethereal blue light revealing…

Tohsaka's jaw dropped. The room was huge. It definitely fit the outline of the rest of her house. And the most shocking part…

…was that it was completely, painfully, _infuriatingly_ empty.

"What the hell…?" Tohsaka whispered.

She could see outlines on the wall that were slightly less dusty, indicating the former presence of furniture that must have been there. She could imagine shelves, desks, workbenches, all sorts of mystical tools that must once have been here. And they were all just… _gone_.

"What. The. Hell…" she whispered again. She wasn't even angry. She was just… disappointed in herself for not having found this place when it was still a treasure trove.

"Hey, Tohsaka, I think I've found something," Shirou beckoned her over to the opposite side of the room, where he'd been looking around by the light of some tiny flashlight-thing on his keychain. He didn't sound very enthusiastic. And she quickly discovered why.

"That son of a bitch," she snarled.

Scattered all over the floor in a remote corner of the cellar were a pile of black keys. And there was only one man in Fuyuki who used those who would ever have had occasion to visit her house.

"Kirei you thieving piece of shit!" she hissed. "He's still taunting me even after he's a charred pile of bones!"

That was when she noticed something sparkle underneath the pile of inactive handles. She dug through them for a moment and was astonished at the sight that greeted her.

"Or maybe you didn't take everything," she muttered.

She knew this thing. It's shape, it's color, the jewel embedded atop its head. She remembered how her father had carried it with him all the time.

"A cane?"

"My father's. He never needed it to walk, but… well, you know, a touch of class, and all that." She picked the rod up and passed it from hand to hand, testing its balance. "And of course it's a mystic code on top of everything."

"A mystic code? What does it do?"

"Well, for now…" she extinguished the light from her jewel and gave her father's cane a quick twirl, prompting the ruby at its head to produce a vivid scarlet light. She smiled softly at the object that she remembered being large enough to be a full-sized wizard's staff. Now it barely even reached her navel. It had really been a long time.

"Heck why not, I'll keep the black keys too. No sense letting a whole pile of perfectly good weapons go to waste. Thank you, Kirei for once again being an arrogant bitchnugget and leaving me with these charming new toys."

"Well, I'd say that was rude, but if he tried to kill you, like you said he did, he probably has that much coming to him.

"Hold on a minute…" Rin muttered. She suddenly went wide-eyed as a brilliant idea struck her. She tore out of the workshop, rushing past an even more bewildered Saber (and Lancer), scrambling up the stairs to her room and grabbing her pendant. Then she jumped the stairs, rushed out the front door and tripped over something that seemed to vanish in the next instant. No, she did _not_ just trip over her own feet!

"Master? You seem to be in a rush," Lancer noted, joining her and helping her back to her feet. "If you need immediate transport, I could get you to where you want to go. I am an exceptionally fast Servant, even among the Lancer class.

"Is that so?" Rin rubbed her lower lip with one finger. "Then I need to get back to Emiya's house on the double."

"Very well, Master."

Lancer scooped Rin up in her arms.

Rin sighed. It just wasn't the same…

And then Lancer broke into a run… no wait. Rin looked down and realized that the Servant wasn't running at all. She was literally _flying_ several feet above the ground! And Lancer hadn't exaggerated; in fact, she had definitely undersold her abilities. Her agility was phenomenal. Rin had to brace herself to keep from getting nauseated. She was at the front door to the Emiya house within ten minutes, but despite not having run at all, she found the ride had left her out of breath.

Rin hurried to the door and knocked. Shinji let her inside. She pushed past him, tossed her shoes aside and scrambled to the living room, hoping that Sakura would be there.

She was, but…

"Oh, sonofabitch!"

"I take it that these are some of the people I've been instructed not to eliminate?" said a familiar looking Servant with incredibly long purple hair.

"Rin, is–is something wrong?"

"It's nothing, Sakura," she answered dejectedly, "nothing at all…"

Meanwhile, back at the Tohsaka residence, Shirou found himself wondering something.

"Is something the matter, Shirou?" Saber inquired.

"No. Not really. It's just… Rin shouldn't have needed her pendant anyway. It may be a catalyst for Archer, but Archer, having the same pendant, in a way has a catalyst for _her_."

"You mean to say that your future self should have appeared for Rin regardless of her catalyst?"

Shirou nodded.

He didn't know what it was, but he did know enough to be able to tell that something wasn't right here. Not right at all.

* * *

 _Roughly thirty-six hours earlier…_

A woman in a violet robe, eyes hidden beneath a deep hood, stood before Luvia.

"I ask of you now, girl; are you worthy of calling yourself my Master?" the woman continued, smiling with the corner of her mouth.

Violet lipstick? Luvia noted, Who would ever wear such a thing?

"Why, yes I am." she answered, "My, I'm glad to see you catch on quickly."

She began to notice a chill in the room. It hadn't been nearly this cold before she had performed the summoning rite. The woman frowned beneath her hood.

"It would have been ever so tiresome to have a Servant who needed to have things explained to him," she said, gliding around behind Luvia to whisper over her shoulder, "Now wouldn't it?"

With that as her only warning, a skeletal hand ripped its way out of the floor, followed by an arm. Luvia shrieked as skeletal creatures began pulling themselves out from beneath the floorboards with an unholy rattling noise. A thin fog began to condense around them as the temperature in the room began to drop more steadily. Though the woman's hood hid her eyes completely, Luvia was overcome by the sensation of being carefully watched by a cunning predator.

"I assure you that you have no need to instruct me, little miss," she continued to speak over Luvia's shoulder. "And don't be frightened of my dragon tooth warriors. They'll never attack you as long as you possess your command seals, and as a magus, you're skill is… adequate. At least for a child."

"How dare you!"

The woman's lips twitched upwards ever so slightly, and the skeletons' bones clicked together as they shuffled closer.

"How dare I? I wonder?" she drawled, "Perhaps if you were to pay more attention, you'd have sensed the difference in our abilities. In comparison to myself, your capacity as a mage barely warrants so much as a glance, much less any true attention."

Luvia's eyes narrowed, trembling with fury.

"That said, I will admit that I have an unfair advantage over you, being a heroic spirit, and one from the Age of Gods at that."

Taking a deep breath, Luvia answered with as much dignity as she could manage.

"I take it that this means you belong to the Caster class."

"Indeed I am."

As angry as she felt, Luvia knew that there were still a few formalities that needed to be taken care of.

"Very well, so you're a Caster and have all the strengths and weaknesses associated with that class of Servant. What else should I know about you? Do you have any proficiencies or deficiencies that I should know about?"

Once again, the invisible eyes watching her began boring holes into her soul. Caster's brief smile had vanished and her lips were now set in a neutral line.

"Perhaps we should get to know each other better before I start telling you what makes me tick."

"Hmph. Have it your way then. My name is Luviagelita Edelfelt, heir to the Edelfelt family."

"Mind your tone, little girl, lest I be forced to teach you a lesson in manners."

Folding her arms across her chest, Caster took to drifting around the hotel room, keeping her eyes, locked on her Master. She also dispelled her dragon tooth warriors, knowing that for the time being, she needed to conserve her mana. One by one, the skeletal monsters dissolved into black mist and vanished.

"I—You… Argh!" Luvia ran her hands through her glorious curls with obsessive fervor as the frustration she felt continued mounting. "I thought Servants were supposed to be obedient!"

"We are, dear. You just need to focus on the bigger picture here. I've no intention of insulting your pride. Even the difference in our skill levels has no reflection on your ability as a mage.

"I merely meant that as a spellcaster, I am beyond comparison," once again, Caster let a smirk appear on her lips, holding it for a few moments before letting it drop.

"You're that good, are you?"

"Yes I am, and I say that without exaggeration. Only a handful of sorcerers throughout history could ever hope to match my skill as a mage," she paused, putting a hand to her lower lip in contemplation.

"And who might these powerful sorcerers be, Servant?"

"Oh my, do you honestly expect me to lower myself to the extent of listing a parade of equal or superior mages?"

"Humor me. I'll agree to a compromise; you need only name three."

Caster's face went through several expressions before settling on a sly grin.

"Very well, you ask for three superior mages, and you shall have them. Above all, King Solomon himself. Merlin for another. And Morgan Le Fey for a third. Are you satisfied?"

Luvia folded her arms across her chest and grimaced.

"Well played, Caster."

"You should have specified that I not name historical figures who would be considered the paragons of the art."

"At any rate, you seem to have no shortage of confidence in your abilities. But I've been burning with curiosity for more than long enough. Who are you, really?"

Caster's expression, at least what Luvia could see of it, didn't change, but her tone indicated that she was satisfied.

"I've been called many things, but aside from Caster, my favorite is the name I was born with. You may call me Medea."

"Medea," the smile that took over Luvia's face was reserved, but she was quite obviously thrilled. "I can see where that confidence comes from. The witch who brought heroes to…their…knees…"

The temperature of the room, only just having returned to normal, plunged. Caster's mouth was twisted into a scowl as she lunged across the room toward Luvia, stopping inches from her face. Her cloak billowed out to her sides like a pair of bat's wings.

"Little girl," she said, her tone smoldering in contrast to the chill in the room. "Call me what you like, but if you value your continued existence, you will never refer to me as a witch _ever_ again. Do we understand one another?"

"Y-Yes! Yes! M-my deepest apologies!" Luvia gasped, shocked by the aura of sheer terror Caster had given off. "I promise, I'll never call you…that… ever again, whether you're present or not. Not for the rest of my life."

The room's temperature abruptly returned to normal, and Caster nodded, taking a slow breath to calm herself.

"That will do. That will do just fine," she said, "My apologies, Master. I assure you that my temper isn't lost easily. I happen to have an… unfortunate history with men who've called me a witch. You do seem to be a decent girl. Perhaps a little naïve, but who isn't at your age?

"I'll admit, you do remind me of another girl I once met. An enemy Master in a previous Holy Grail War, if a few secondhand memories aren't completely flawed. I think I found her to be an unbearable little tart. Perhaps my perspective is biased by my opposition toward her, but you seem to lack the qualities that made me dislike her so much."

Luvia didn't like admitting that she had anything in common with that lowborn upstart, but she was still curious, even if it was also incredibly unlikely.

"This girl you refer to," she began, "Her name wouldn't happen to have been Rin Tohsaka?"

Caster broke out in a grin, her shoulders trembling until she couldn't contain her glee any longer and laughed. It was a diabolical laugh, but it did seem appropriate in the context of their conversation. For the first time, Luvia felt just the faintest bit of warmth in that invisible gaze.

The sorceress allowed her laughter to run its course and then glided into the easy chair in the corner of the room and with a flick of her hand toward the kitchenette, made the kettle fill itself and set itself down on the stove.

"Miss Luviagelita, was it? You seem to be quite the interesting young woman. I expect that we're going to get along splendidly."

"Miss Luvia will be fine. No need to trouble yourself with my full name."

Luvia was beside herself. Not only had she summoned an incredibly powerful Servant, but the wit… er… sorceress even knew _and disliked_ her sworn nemesis among her peers at the Clock Tower. Things couldn't possibly get any better!

"Hmm…"

"Are you sensing something, Caster?" she asked, checking on the tea.

"Nothing of great importance. Nor can I be certain," Caster noted, "as my scrying crystal is still foggy. However, it appears as though that our mutual friend has just tripped over a stray cat."

Luvia grinned like a bottle imp.

Life was just so wonderful.


	2. Chapter II: Grand Theft Casa

**Author's Note: I have no idea when I'm going to post the next chapter.**

* * *

It took altogether too long for the sun to go down. By the time the streetlamps out in Fuyuki proper were spilling their incandescent light all about and the skyline had become a glittering abstract image of glowing yellow boxes, Luvia swore she was going stir crazy. She might have had an entire castle to herself, but nonetheless. Melodrama aside however, she had a Caster class Servant to take care of, and hadn't established a claim to a single decent strip of land that could be used as a workshop. The castle was fine, to be sure, but it wasn't on a strong leyline. Also, it was incredibly drafty for obvious reasons. Not to mention she could feel another mage lurking about nearby, and she had no intention of lounging around while some trash waited for an opportunity to do away with her. Not that the city was mage-free either; she could sense at least three besides Shero and that insufferable Tohsaka.

There was that church in New City, but it looked like it had been restored recently. She wasn't naïve: The place was poorly fortified and the bounded field around it was weak. It had almost certainly been attacked in the precious War. Aside from which, there was some woman in charge there now who gave her the heebie-jeebies.

There was another spot in New City of course, that empty, barren park, but that place was dead. Whatever had happened there had cut it off from its leyline, or otherwise prevented mana from naturally flowing through the place. And despite its lonely, almost pitiful emptiness, it positively _reeked_ of malice. That place hadn't been the site of a magus' assault. Something Else Entirely had done Something Unspeakable there, and despite being a treasure hunter, she had her limits. Even she knew that there were times when something was best left untouched.

Caster had mentioned she set up shop at Ryuudou Temple in the previous War, but the temple was occupied, and some of the residents would likely recognize Caster as well. As well fortified as it was, trying to entrench herself there would require more than a silver tongue.

And with those locations unavailable, that left only one spot…

Atop the roof of a ten-story building in the middle of New City, Sakura's pharmacist blinked at the curiosity before her.

"Huh… wasn't expecting that," she said, staring at the completely nonthreatening young woman before her. "Pardon me, but I _did_ order a demon, right?"

"Yes. Why? What's wrong, Master?"

The redheaded woman, or rather mage, shook her head, looking at her new Servant with some measure of disappointment. The rest of her expression seemed to convey sympathy.

"Nothing's wrong, I was just… expecting something more…I suppose menacing would be a word for it. You're a Caster, no?"

"Yes I am, just tell me how I may be of service, and I will—"

"Okay, a Caster. Nice to meet you. My name is Touko Aozaki. I'll be your Master…for the time being."

"And what a fine Master you are," Caster replied agreeably. "I mean, your skills don't even compare to mine, but with this era's magecraft, you're definitely super impressive."

"Please don't get too friendly. I already kind of like you, but…"

"But whaaat~?" the Servant prompted. She sidled up to the mage that summoned her.

"Well, you see, I had a certain plan that I was going to follow through and it hinges largely on you being a diabolical fiend."

"Who says I can't be one?"

"No one, but you're, for lack of a better word, adorable."

The Servant lit up like a sunrise. This had the dual effect of looking even more charming, if that was even possible, and further crushing any hope Touko had for carrying through any of her plans.

"Hmm. Good point—thank you by the way—being the monster-me is a real drag anyway, so—"

"Excellent!" Touko clapped her hands together. "That makes this a lot simpler. Now that we've established that, I have your first order for you."

Caster gave a theatrical bow.

"Your wish is my command."

Good grief. This Servant was positively glowing with enthusiasm, and somehow managing to be cuter every time she moved or opened her mouth! If this continued much longer, Touko was sure she was going to hurl.

"Alright then, Caster, I'm afraid I'll have to ask that we go our separate ways."

"You got it, Master, I'll get right on—wait, saywhatnow?"

Touko felt just the slightest bit guilty for leaving this charming and… unique… young lady to fend for herself, especially since she needed a steady supply of mana to keep from succumbing to spontaneous nonexistence.

However, she was Touko Aozaki. She was ruthless, efficient, and above all, she had options available to her in a way that no other Grail War participant had ever been given. Options that the other participants likely didn't realize they had.

And over the years, she had also developed a mild case of egomania, which was probably the reason she was comfortable letting her Servant do whatever she wanted without any failsafes. On the other hand, once one conquered death as many times as she had, it was a testament to her discipline that she hadn't developed a god complex. Out of all the participants in this death match, she was the only one who was in virtually no danger.

"I said I need you to leave. I'm going to get a new catalyst, come up with a new plan, and you can do whatever you want. To an extent. I'm not going to use up a command seal, but I order you to seek out a new Master. If you've not found one within two days, then you are to kill yourself, if you haven't already vanished by then," Touko's hand glowed for the briefest of moments, and then Caster felt something incredibly strange. Like… she was on the back of her own hand. It was hard to describe. She looked at the markings there and blinked.

"Did you just _give me my own command seals?_ " she gawped. Sure she would die if she didn't re-contract within forty-eight hours, but still!

"Yes. You are free to do whatever you please. Those will return to me the moment you forge a new pact, of course. And I would personally recommend that you find a new master before your Independent Action wears off."

Caster looked at her former Master. This was a shockingly generous thing for anyone to do, let alone for a mage. Foolish, yes, that too, but nevertheless, the gravity wasn't lost on her.

"Are you absolutely certain about this?" she asked. "I mean, you seem like a decent person—"

Touko interrupted with a single bark of derisive laughter.

"Well, that would be your mistake then. Now be on your way. I can still choose to kill you now, you know."

Caster didn't say anything else. She just gave Touko a quiet look of gratitude, and leaped off the roof.

Touko allowed herself another derisive chuckle. This wasn't the first foolish thing she had done lately, and it very likely wouldn't be the last.

She took out a box of cigarettes and popped one between her teeth. She didn't need to use the lighter to get it lit, but she used it anyway. She took a heavy drag and breathed out a long puff of smoke.

"I really am going soft. Aren't I, Aoko?

Her estranged sister didn't respond. She didn't even hear her. They hadn't even seen each other in decades. Touko was speaking to an empty rooftop. And she damn well knew it.

"…I'm so, so tired…"

That said, she could feel the presence of a second Caster elsewhere in the city. This was incredibly strange. Either she didn't get a last minute memo, or someone was up to something.

* * *

Elsewhere in New City, on the ground, a boy wandered aimlessly, wondering why exactly he came here. The invitation seemed shady at best, and he still hadn't found a suitable spot to draw his summoning circle. He'd been under the impression that Fuyuki was a tiny hamlet, but that was his own mistake. A small city was still a city. And this particular spot was crowded, even at this time of night. If he was to be a Master, he was rather literally in no position to be one.

At last, he came to an empty side street. He'd follow it and hope he could find a vacant lot. Had he known the city better, the boy would have simply followed the river northward toward the ocean and made his way to the abandoned loading docks at the port. But he didn't. He was helpless and alone.

Or rather, he was _mostly_ alone.

"Yup, he'll do juuust fine."

She realized she'd misjudged the height she jumped from moments after she took the leap.

"Okay, this was a mistake," she said to herself. Changing direction in midair required some magic, but hey, needs must. She managed to angle herself so that she was just barely above the young mage, who from the looks of things, was incredibly startled when she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Who's there?!" be whirled around, brandishing a pair of cheap wooden chopsticks. Seeing no one, he continued looking about wildly. Caster could have stopped, but she couldn't resist tapping him on the shoulder again. He spun around, looking more and more frantic by the second. "Show yourself! If you don't, I promise, y-you'll regret it!"

" _Psst_ , up here," she tapped him on the top of the head, which jerked straight up. He looked at her, his expression one of utter stupefaction.

"Hi there," she gave him a playful wave, then let out a heavy breath, "Whew, that took more out of me than I thought." She froze. "Uh oh."

That was the only warning she gave him before her energy gave out and she dropped flat on top of him.

* * *

It was their first night since they returned, and as such, it was time for them to go out on a cursory patrol. Fuyuki was still quiet. They hadn't been invited, so they had no idea when the Grail War was set to officially begin, so they were just starting as early as possible. The night air was a comfortable late spring temperature and no one aside from themselves appeared to be actively seeking out opponents. This in mind, she sent Lancer away to scout other parts of the city to observe any goings on elsewhere.

"So, what was with that look on your face when Shirou found that hidden door in my basement last night?"

"Oh. You noticed that," red flooded Saber's features all the way to her ears. "You see, Merlin was also fond of secret passages."

"Well, that's just cool."

"It was nothing of the sort. Just as often as not, what lay within Merlin's hidden rooms were either unpleasant, or of… shall we say, questionable moral fiber."

Rin went wide-eyed.

"Are you suggesting that Merlin was a pervert?"

"I am not _suggesting_ anything. That Merlin had deviant tendencies is a fact. It is that simple."

A wide, earnest grin spread across Rin's face.

"My day is so much better now."

"That sure isn't something I ever expected to hear about the man who became the sorcerer archetype," Shirou said.

They made it all the way to Mount Miyama without incident. Saber took a breath, then suddenly looked around. She sniffed the air. Yes, she knew that scent. Someone she once knew and didn't particularly admire smelled of something similar, though not quite as badly. This brand was much worse.

"Do either of you smell cigarettes?" she asked.

"Wait, you smell it too?" asked Rin, "I didn't see anyone so I didn't—"

Then she was struck from behind and collapsed, catching herself before she hit the ground, and scraping the skin on her palms. It took no time at all for her to regain her bearings. She kicked out in the direction she had been hit from, failed to hit anything, and reached for her gem satchel.

Except it wasn't there. She felt around her other pockets trying to find it only to be interrupted by an unfamiliar voice. One speaking English.

"I'll save you the trouble," said a boy in a grey jacket. He looked poor and American. And he was shaking the pouch of gems at her. "You really shouldn't carry valuables this late at night. I gotta tell ya though, this is just ridiculous. These must be a fortune… what kind of dumb bitch are you that you'd just carry this much bling at night?"

The sound of his voice wasn't exactly grating. His tone was passive-aggressive and carried a slight edge of superiority, likely unearned. However, it was the way he spoke that made the three companions cringe. The sheer assuredness in the mugger's voice was almost depressing. He had mugged them, then mocked them for having something that he stole, and he was still standing around. He actually believed he had already gotten away with it. He smelled of cigarette smoke. Just enough to be off-putting. The grin on his face didn't match the dark shadows beneath his eyes. "I suggest the rest of you assholes drop any other valuables you're carrying or, well, you should be able to guess what'll happen."

"What the hell did you just say?" Rin growled. The man either didn't pick up on the menace in her voice, or thought he could beat all three of them in a fight if it came down to it.

"I'm not gonna repeat myself for a high society cunt like you. Now pay up."

"You just stole a bag of jewels from me and you have the gall to demand more from us?! That's a good one. I hope you still find it funny when you're the one bleeding all over the pavement." She saw a vein pulse in the mugger's forehead in the dim light of the street lamp, though at the same time, his mouth twisted into a smirk. He didn't respond though, so she took that as grounds to continue. "You also called me a cunt, and the fact that you aren't running for your life after calling any woman by that word displays your inordinate stupidity. And I don't say that as a threat. Just as a warning, because you're either really bad at this, or really are just that much of a dimwit. Any mugger worth his salt runs away after landing something. He doesn't hang around to try and piss his victim off. Though it's extremely premature to call us the victims in this scenario. You clearly have no idea what you're dealing with. Now hand me that bag or the only thing left of your favorite part of your anatomy is going be a cauterized crater between your legs."

"Did you seriously just threaten me?"

"No. I just told you to return my property, and then you can be on your merry way. Unless you really think that you're entitled to keep those gems in which case, it's still not a threat; it's my early Christmas gift to myself. I always wanted a human-shaped target that screamed upon being struck.

Shirou winced at the thought. And then he winced again at the look on his girlfriend's face.

"You just insulted the wrong guy, you little bitch!" the American reached into his coat pocket and pulled a handful of small coppery objects.

"If you seriously try to 'throw me a penny,' I'm going to shoot your head clean off your shoulders," Tohsaka made a gun with her hand and pointed at the man's face.

"With what? Your hand? You really are retarded."

"I feel compelled to teach this man a lesson in propriety that has nothing to do with manners," Saber grumbled. "May I strike him, Shirou? I shall refrain from using a weapon."

"I think Rin's got this covered," Shirou answered, massaging his temples. The guy about to get hurt was a positively lousy human being, even if he was just a pathetic windbag with rocks for brains. On the other hand, he was the aggressor and now his girlfriend was probably going to lethally wound him in self-defense. He didn't know who he should defend. After all, the mugger would die if he wasn't careful, but the thought of aiding him was actually making Shirou a bit nauseated. He didn't have time to make a definitive decision however.

The American opened his hand, revealing that the small objects were indeed pennies, and sneered at the trio.

"I'd tell you to go fuck yourselves, but you won't have time for that," he then tossed the coins at the three companions and Rin raised a barrier reflexively. She wasn't exactly thrilled about expending mana on something as trivial as a man who made the Shirou of yesterday—or rather five years ago—look like a passable mage.

But she was glad she set it up when the ground in front of her shook, flickering orange flames washing over her shield with a whoosh. The explosion was contained no question about it, but it had probably been powerful enough to leave some moderate to severe burns.

That was mostly conjecture on her part, but whatever the case, the shockwave from the blast still managed to knock her backward into Shirou, who was in turn knocked through a shopfront window. Fortunately, there wasn't any product immediately behind it. Which would have been particularly bad considering it was a produce market. They were apparently having a special on coconuts. A shame. He didn't really use coconuts in his cooking very often.

"Sorry, Shirou," she said with uncharacteristic but increasingly familiar sincerity. "You aren't cut up too badly, are you?"

"I feel some scratches on my arms but nothing's bleeding, far as I can tell."

"Oh. That's good," she said, sounding relieved as she stood up and brushed some dust from her skirt. She would have offered him a hand up, but Saber was way ahead of her on that front. She turned to leer out the shattered window, "Now pass me a melon."

"What?!"

"Pass me… A melon."

Shirou sighed, disappointed that she really had said what he was afraid she did.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time."

Further away, he heard the mugger's voice. It was a bit indistinct, but Shirou was pretty sure he was ranting about their survival judging by the question, "How the hell are you still standing?!" that he caught. Another three coins flew toward them and he batted them back toward the one who threw them. Saber tried to assist, but evidently her baseball skills were still lacking.

"If you heard me then just do it!" Rin shouted, breaking his concentration, and Saber actually caught the next coin. It exploded in her gauntlet and Saber didn't appear to have noticed until she realized that there was soot falling from the gap between her forefinger and the rest of the solid steel mitt on her left hand.

"I'm not stealing for you," Shirou answered, putting his foot down.

"Argh! Fine, I'll do it myself! Saber, keep the assbag from getting away. Don't hurt him too badly."

"Very well… is the theft really necessary? I cannot imagine what you intend to do with a melon."

"Oh, you'll see."

Rin brushed her way through the store and grabbed a cantaloupe. She then tore a plastic bag away from the cash and slipped it inside, and also took a few coconuts for good measure."

Outside, Saber had handily caught the mugger, and was carrying him by his coat collar.

She shook him painfully back and forth inside his coat when he attempted to struggle free. He didn't seem to grasp the fact that Saber was only carrying his jacket and he could escape easily enough by pulling his arms out of his sleeves. It had to have been kind of humiliating for him to have been lifted off his feet and manhandled by a girl more than a head shorter than him.

"Let me go, bitch, or I'll snap your neck and shove your head up your goddamn snatch!" for all his bluster, he didn't sound very confident anymore.

"I really do feel like I owe it to myself to be more offended, but at this point I am not even surprised. You're a tiny imbecile who tries to seem intimidating by barking like a rabid dog. And I'm not exactly preventing you from getting away. You have a simple method of escaping me as soon as you pay attention enough to notice it. I'm confident that you won't, however. Depressingly so, in fact."

"Okay, you can put him down now."

Rin ducked out of the greengrocer's shop with a bagful of stolen food. Mostly coconuts. Saber was only too happy to put down the snarling mugger. The moment his feet were on the ground, he spun around and tried to slug her in the face. She caught his fist and then twisted it down and to the side until he squawked. With her other hand, she snatched Rin's gems from him.

"You damn bitch! Give those back to me or else! You really… think you can just steal from me?! Give that back!"

"First of all, 'or else' what? You are by no means a weakling, but I think it is quite clear at this point that you are utterly incapable of laying a finger on me unless I will it. And I do not. Second of all, you seem to be setting a double standard. You can steal from young women with no consequences, yet a girl who's trying to simply retrieve lost property may not take it back from you when she overpowers you in a fight?"

"I haven't lost yet… And that's the last straw. I'm through being humiliated by a bunch of kids!"

He was dead serious. Shirou resisted the urge old his head in his hands.

As entertaining as it was to watch him embarrass himself, his arrogance was starting to make Rin sick. She levitated the first coconut and shot it at him with more force than strictly necessary. It wasn't going to be enough to break any bones, but it'd still hurt like hell. And make a mess.

Saber let go of his wrist and the giant nut hit him squarely in the solar plexus, doubling him over. The next clocked him in the forehead, cracking open from the impact and splashing him with a faceful of coconut juice. Tohsaka sneered devilishly. The mugger paled.

"Oh, great. Other mages. Just my damn luck…"

If he was being honest with himself, Shirou didn't approve of the theft, but he had to admit, her plan to deal with this haplessly aggressive mage non-lethally was pretty effective.

"Oh god, he didn't realize we were mages too," Rin held her head in her hand. "If he wasn't such an asshat I'd actually feel really bad for him now…"

She fired the cantaloupe at him next without a second thought.

It nailed him in the side of the head with a crunch before it splattered all over him.

"Ow! Goddamn it! Cut that out! Ow! Bitch!"

"He throws around this offensive language like it's nothing," Saber winced rubbing her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. When she looked up again, she was a little flabbergasted to see Tohsaka climbing out of the produce store's broken window carrying a watermelon.

"Oh, you've gotta to be fucking kidd—GBBPPHTT!" the American attempted to snarl before the heavy melon connected with his jaw and managed to break in such a way that his head got lodged inside the heavy fruit.

If this had been the first thing she had used, Saber might have felt a little more enthusiasm. This was a genuinely hilarious sight. But Rin had already ruined two coconuts and a cantaloupe. She was no longer very feeling quite as receptive to letting her ravage the greengrocer's stall. Which Rin promptly hopped back into for more ammo.

"I'm gonna get rid of him," she said.

She grabbed grabbed a few more coconuts and began manually hurling them at the idiot laboring under the delusion that he was a powerful sorcerer because he could make pennies explode. Of course in addition to being an idiot, he now had weird bits of orangey, red, and grey stuff on his face, along with being splattered with translucent whitish fluids that were almost guaranteed to be mistaken for something other than coconut milk.

"Stop! I'll leave, dammit!" he snarled, covering his head as hard-shelled fruits rained down on him. "I said cut that out!"

Another coconut slammed into his face.

"Yeah? Make me!"

"I said I'd leave you the hell alone! What more do you fucking want?!"

He forced himself to stand up, spat out a few more noisy profanities, and scrambled away down the street.

Shirou sighed with relief.

"Well, that was annoying," he muttered.

"Yeah, you'd better run! We've got more coconuts!" Rin shouted, throwing one more down the street for good measure.

Suddenly a firm hand clamped down on her shoulder. She turned her head slowly, a sense of dread that she couldn't explain making her tremble. She was relieved to see that it was only Saber, but there was something blazing deep within the Servant's eyes that was utterly terrifying.

"Do not waste food," she tightened her grip on Rin's shoulder, "under any circumstances."

"Um. Okay. Saber, could you let go of me?"

"Do you realize how much effort is required to move such things from one side of the world to the other?"

"No, I don't. I doubt you have a particularly firm grasp of the specifics either," she argued back, petulant as ever. An idea suddenly came to her, adopting an almost imperceptible lopsided smile. "I mean, it's not like people can just up and find them in our climate."

Arturia raised an eyebrow.

"I suppose it would not be impossible…"

"Well, if the owners here did 'just find them,' how do you propose they made their way to wherever these people picked them up?"

Shirou was thoroughly lost. Wouldn't a bunch of lost coconuts just have been acquired elsewhere by someone else and…

"The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover seek hot lands in winter, yet these were not strangers to Britain."

"Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

"Not at all. They could be carried."

"What? A _swallow_ carrying a _coconut?_ " Rin had to force herself to sputter. This was almost too good to be true.

"I must concede however."

Rin coughed, forcing down her prepared response.

"Wait, come again?"

"I concede."

"You're just giving up? You seemed intent on holding your position a moment ago," Rin pressed, attempting to get back on track.

Shirou offered a sympathetic smile, shaking his head.

"You were so close, Rin. I'm sorry, but that couldn't possibly have continued any—"

"Supposing for a moment that a five-ounce bird swallow could somehow lift off whilst carrying an entire one-pound coconut, the weight would nevertheless make their migration too arduous, and they would not be able to maintain the necessary momentum required to stay aloft."

"Wait, what? How do you know that?" she demanded.

"Because I happen to know the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow," she answered. "Both African _and_ European."

Rin and Shirou both balked.

"It is twenty-four miles per hour, in case you are curious. More importantly, however…

"Rin," Saber looked solemnly into the suddenly dumbstruck young woman's eyes, before letting the corners of her mouth just barely twitch upward into a wry grin. "I've seen the movie."

There was a strange sputtering noise to their side.

Then Shirou burst into a fit of laughter.

The two girls could only stare at him in awe. Rin's mouth hung open. For her, this was the kind of thing that one habitually hoped would happen while still holding the realistic expectation that it never will.

"He's laughing at my misfortune," she whispered, a single tear welling in the corner of her eye. "I'm so proud of him."

"Oddly enough, so am I," Saber muttered uncertainty.

Shirou finally managed to cut himself off momentarily, just long enough for him to say, "Please, don't encourage me," before losing himself again in a fit of snickering.

"It's okay. It's just a sign that you're becoming more like a normal human being," Rin patted him on the shoulder.

"Because as a girl raised to be a mage from birth, you're the resident expert on being a normal human being," Shirou said, sounding skeptical.

"You make a fair point, but I'm going to ignore it. For your sake, of course."

"My sake?"

"Well, you don't want me to treat you like Shinji, do you?" Rin said, the eerie smile on her face hinting at danger the likes of which Shirou typically didn't like to imagine.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Good boy."

"I'm not a pet dog," he muttered.

They continued moving to their next stop on that night's patrol. They might have had an encounter with a mugger, but that wasn't even worth considering on a scale of an actual battle. They were all fine, and the idiotic thug was nursing a coconut-induced concussion, so overall this had been a success.

"So, the movie… didn't offend you?" Rin asked Saber.

"Oh, no, I found the bizarre and inaccurate caricatures of my knights to be infuriating, to say nothing of that other one who didn't exist."

"And yet you almost sound like you watched the whole thing…" she prompted, a catlike smirk spreading across her face.

"Yes, erm, well…" Saber cleared her throat, trying not to appear embarrassed, "There… comes a point at which one is entertained to such an extent that one is willing to ignore certain matters they would find infuriating at any other time."

"So basically, you were bored, it was on, and since you watched more than you'd actually intended, you ended up enjoying it," Rin deducted.

"I should warn you that you can never say the words 'I'm not dead yet' around me…" she put a hand over her mouth to stifle a vivacious fit of giggling. Eventually, she managed to stop laughing by forcing a cough and mostly keeping herself in-check. "Or that will happen. It would be highly disadvantageous if you used that phrase to goad the enemy."

"You've got a point," Rin frowned, putting a finger to her lower lip. "It would be pretty bad if you lost focus in the middle of a fight."

Saber nodded to end the discussion, but apparently Rin had something she wanted to add.

"This being said though, Saber… I'm not dead yet."

"Damn you," Saber sputtered through barely contained laughter.

Rin couldn't help but notice that Shirou had been silent throughout the whole exchange.

She sighed, slipping her hand into his.

"Look, I know I can go kind of far with my heckling. Whether you're cute when you're embarrassed or not, I shouldn't be going out of my way to mess with you. So, I… I guess that I want to apologize for that.

"You don't have to apologize for anything," he said, though he still had an irritable edge in his voice. "I'm fine."

Saber knew how the two felt about one another from when she was last summoned, but they seemed pretty terse with one another. She did have to wonder…

"If you don't mind me asking," she began, having mostly regained her composure, "what exactly did you found your relationship on after the conclusion of the last Holy Grail War?"

Shirou and Rin looked at one another. She flicked something Saber couldn't see into the air in front of her and Shirou grinned, and they both nodded.

"Mutual disrespect," they said in unison.

Neither of them even tried to keep a straight face and started snickering again.

"I think that's our best answer yet," he said.

"I agree," Rin answered.

"People ask you this question on a regular basis?"

"Not this question specifically. But people often ask us why she's going out with me of all people instead of, say, someone with a better pedigree. Or similar questions."

"I've actually memorized a few of them," said Rin. "I have my previous answers on a sheet of paper back in our apartment.

"Let's see… I think the first time I said, 'Oh, we're not dating, I just keep him in a box under my bed when I'm not using him.' Another time it was 'He keeps me safe from people with lower intelligence scores than him, and he's not all that smart, so what does that say about you?' "

Shirou rolled his eyes.

"Does she always insult you when defending you from others' verbal abuse?" Saber asked uncomfortably.

"Usually not," said Shirou.

"There was this one time that a guy actually caught me by the arm and wouldn't let go. I told him, 'my boyfriend's the protective type, so I'm only looking out for you when I say you should leave me be.' "

"He didn't," said Shirou, "so I faceplanted him so that she wouldn't have to. And left a bunch of knives embedded through his clothes and pretty much stuck him to the floor until someone pulled them out."

"He deserved it. He was always pressuring girls into sleeping with him. He just assumed that I was another helpless young lady. I'm honestly shocked that he was even capable of such behavior in the Clock Tower. Most girls there aren't exactly defenseless. However, this was during my first month and evidently there were a few people who didn't know who I was yet. So Shirou was kind enough to remove him from my arm.

"Unfortunately, he didn't stop though, and he assumed that Shirou was only the crazy and jealous type. Not smart of him. He kept trying his grab-and-go routine with other girls, and what with Shirou being the upstanding gentlemanly citizen he is, people started finding this guy nailed to the floors, walls or ceiling by his shirtsleeves on a regular basis."

"He just never learned."

"Oh, there was this one guy with a great pedigree who wanted me to marry him for breeding stock and was actually offended that I was dating what he described as a common blacksmith."

"Oh no, not this one…" Shirou held his face in his hands.

"Said that the blacksmith's sword was longer than his."

Saber cringed.

"I thought Shirou would appreciate the double entendre, but I guess I miscalculated."

"Thank you for that wonderful imagery, Rin. I'm sure I won't be sleeping very well come morning."

Rin smelled blood, but since this was Saber, she decided not to capitalize on her opportunity. Just as well, since Shirou spoke up at that moment.

"We should really clean this up."

She looked around. They had gone around in a circle and were back in front of the produce stand.

And she suddenly realized they were all standing outside a store which they had just broken into. Something colloquially known as a crime scene.

"Okay, okay fine. I shouldn't be allowing this. You're clearly a bad influence on me, Shirou," said Rin. "With the proper application of formalcraft, I can use time reversion on the window and all the glass will pick itself up and put itself back together. Then there's no danger to customers, and the only thing amiss is the stolen produce. God, why am I thinking like an altruist?"

"I actually find this mindset most agreeable, Rin."

"Great. I need an intervention but I'm surrounded by enablers."

The entire process took less than five minutes, which was good because Rin heard sirens the moment the last shard of glass fixed itself into place.

"Saber, carry Shirou. I can at least outrun a car that isn't chasing me, so all I have to do is not be seen."

"Very well, that seems a reasonable enough approach to this predicament," Saber agreed.

"Wait, what?!"

Shirou, it seemed, was somewhat less enthused. Sure, he was all for playing the knight, but no way in hell was he going to play the damsel… never again.

Saber abruptly grabbed him underneath his arms and threw him over her shoulder. He lost sight of Rin moments later.

"I don't approve of this."

"You can discipline me—if you truly deem that necessary—once we're no longer at risk of being caught by the local law enforcement."

Discipline King Arthur? …no, Shirou thought, that was not something he could do in good conscience…or with a straight face, apparently, and he turned a chuckle into a cough at the last moment.

"Are you alright, Shirou?" she asked, leaping right to the top of a two-story building.

"No. I'm being carried like a sack of potatoes by a girl who's shorter than me."

"I'm physically stronger than you. The fact that I happen to be a woman is irrelevant. And in regards to your analogy, be grateful that I am the one carrying you, and not Gawain… The potatoes he touched all suffered a fate worse than death."

Shirou didn't know how to respond to any of that, so he gave up, and resigned himself to being carried home by the King of Knights.

* * *

When he managed to clear the fuzz from his head, the first thing the boy noticed was something soft. The second thing he noticed was that his face was completely covered by this soft thing, and he could barely breathe.

"Mpphht…" he tried to stammer, but there was a weight over most of his body. What was going on, why couldn't he see— wait, he _could_ see. He looked up to find himself staring into the face of a very pretty girl. Something was very strange about her and he was sure he knew what it was, but the fog in his head was preventing him from being able to place it. What had just happened? She scared him by tapping him on the shoulder, said hi, and then she fell on him, and now—wait, that meant that his face was—uh oh…

She didn't look too pleased.

"You know, _most_ boys would be elated to find their head where yours is now."

Yup, she was angry—hold on, _what?!_

"Mmph?!"

"Aww, you're no fun at all," she pouted, and stood up. "I have great boobs, since you don't seem to realize that."

The boy scrambled backwards.

"You have _weird_ priorities. Just throwing that out there," he said, backing away just a bit further and taking huge lungfuls of air. What was so off about this person? He knew it was just staring him in the face…

"Aww, thank you~!"

Weird reactions too, apparently

What was it about her? He continued trying to figure it out. It was on the tip of his tongue, he knew, but it was just eluding his cognition somehow. Probably because he'd been stunned and then his brain was starved for oxygen, but he should at least have been able to figure it out after a few seconds. He watched her lean forward. Her furry ears twitching curiously, as her tail swished from side to… side.

 _ **Tail?!**_

Why did this girl have fox ears?! Why did she have a fox tail?! What the hell was going on?!

"I can see you're panicking. This is normal. No need to be embarrassed. You don't often come across attractive girls with fluffy foxy features."

"What is this, a skewed educational video about puberty?!"

"No, but it _could_ be. I'd probably take it a few steps further but—"

" _I don't even know who you are!_ "

" _Mikon?!_ " she recoiled. "My gosh, introductions, how could I forget—hold on just a sec."

'Mikon?' Was that supposed to be some sort of exclamation?

She gave him a look, and her eyes glowed for the briefest of moments. Then, "Okay, nice to meet you, Kishinami. You can call me Caster. Please make a pact with me—if you don't I'm probably gonna disappear in a few hours."

"Pact?! Wait, how did you know my— Hold on… Caster… You're a Servant?!" Hakuno jumped back a pace, "so you're here to kill me aren't you?"

"What?! No! No, not at all, the Master who summoned me decided she wanted something else so she left me to my own devices. I don't know why she did that, but I'm not going to look a gift fox in the mouth."

Caster waved her hand in the air and conjured a scroll and a long quill.

"If you make a pact with me, that gets you command seals, and those pretty much guarantee that I can't kill you. Not that I would, but just to give you some perspective. And assurance about my loyalty. You're a mage, and I need one of those so that I don't go all fizzle."

She handed him the page and the writing implement. It was a fairly simple contract. He was also pretty sure pacts didn't normally work like this.

"I, sign name here, do hereby take Caster as my… Servant—dare I ask why the words 'lawfully wedded wife' have been crossed out here?"

"It wasn't originally made for this purpose, but I kept it around in case of emergencies."

Hakuno tried to think of an emergency that required an incredibly abrupt marriage to a fox girl, but found that he couldn't think of any, and the longer he tried, the more he felt like he was having an aneurysm. Also, she had definitely just created this thing. He might have lacked talent as a mage, but he knew conjuration when he saw it.

"Okay, moving on, skipping the 'to love and cherish' bit, ("Aww, spoilsport…") aaand… wait, that's the whole thing? Oh, never mind, fine print. A magical contract with fine print. You're really sketchy, you know that?"

"While I can sketch, I prefer painting. I'm very good at both," she said, missing the point with obvious intent.

"O…kay…" he squinted at her, "What's this about me treating you to fried food at least five times a week?!"

"I like fried food," she said with a faux-innocent smile. "Like, you have no idea. I know it's fattening, but this body doesn't gain weight. It's the ultimate opportunity to stuff my face with no possible consequences!"

Hakuno's suspicious gaze faltered. He had to admit, she did make it sound appealing. In a weird way, but still. Then he saw the next statement.

" 'I will routinely ask you to perform sexual favors?' Really? _Really?!_ "

"You're a mage, isn't that just business as usual?"

"I've known you for less than five minutes!" he squawked.

"So?" she tilted her head to the side, a very simple gesture which somehow made his heart melt like strawberry ice cream.

"So, it's weird to come on to someone you've barely even met."

"Not _that_ weird. Plenty of people do it routinely."

"And plenty of others don't. Case and point," he gestured at himself.

"So, how about it?"

"Are you in heat or something?"

"Ew, come on, give me some credit, I'm still a person. I can control my urges. I just don't see a need to right now. Please, come on, it'll be fun, I'll get the mana I need to stay alive, you get a really fun night, everyone wins."

Yeah, except for the rape victim, Hakuno thought.

"It's not rape if I can properly convince you to give in to your base urges," she smiled mischievously, reading his mind again.

This girl was _clearly_ evil.

"Granted, my foolproof plan to bag a nice boy in three easy steps seems to have failed, and I'm pretty surprised about that, but I can manage.

"By the way, why are you so set on not letting me take you for a ride?"

Hakuno seemed unsure of how to answer that. He could just come right out and say it, but did he really want to be revealing any personal information to a stranger? A perverted stranger at that, regardless of how attractive she might be… on the other hand, it seemed very likely that this woman was the persistent type. Choosing not to disclose could have immediate and aggravating ramifications. He groaned in perceived defeat, took a deep breath, and just said the damn words:

"I'm a virgin."

The response was instantaneous.

"Whoa! We gotta do something about that _right now!_ " she said grabbing him by the back of his shirt as she tried to drag him away, presumably to her lair, or a love hotel, or possibly her lair _inside_ a love hotel. He resisted of course, but she just pulled harder. And finally…

"Okay! Okay, I'll do it, just let me go! I'll take you on as my Servant!"

She immediately stopped tugging.

"Oh? Well, that sounds lovely."

"— _On two conditions!_ " he added, "First of all, I'm not signing this, no way in hell. It's the shadiest contract I've ever seen."

A beat.

"Awww… Really?"

" _Yes, of course really!_ "

She sighed in disappointment, but nodded. "Okay, fine, I'll live. What's the other one?"

"Second, please, _please_ stop being a pervert."

"Wait, what?!… but I'm a _fox girl!_ Tempting men is, like, my entire reason for being!" she wailed, "Don't take that away from me, please!" her lower lip trembled dangerously and her ears lay flat against her head.

"She looks so sad…" Hakuno murmured to himself. He tried to resist but her eyes carved a path straight to his heart, and he found himself struggling to even stay mad at her, to say nothing of the wildly irrational urge to cuddle her that he was suddenly getting. "Okay fine, you can tease me, just… just don't act on your impulses."

Caster hopped about with her previous exuberance, clapping her hands twice, then bringing one sleeve to her eye and dabbing away some very obviously imaginary tears. He noted absently that the last 'hop' was more of a leap, and it took her almost three meters into the air.

"Yay! Master's such a good person! I promise, you won't regret this."

"I already do. And I don't feel like a good person. And I also regret coming here… I don't know what I did, but I'm now stuck with a crazy girl. I'm clearly in purgatory. I should have stayed in England at the Clock Tower where I at least had some vague idea of what I was getting into."

Even as he bemoaned his situation, Caster ran a hand through his hair, shooting him a playful grin.

"Don't worry about a thing, Goshujin-Sama. Your darling Caster is here to sort it aaall out for you~."

The moment her hand touched his head, a bright red crest seemed to materialize on the back of his right hand.

"There are your command seals. Use 'em carefully, because you only get three. Using them will force me to bend to your will and display absolute obedience for a single command."

Hakuno rested his head in his hands.

"You just had to be creepy about it, didn't you…"

* * *

Luvia approached the Tohsaka mansion warily. If her barbarian of a rival was in, then she was in for one helluva welcome.

"Do you sense anyone inside, Caster?"

"Nothing. If that brat really does live here, then she's likely out right now just as we are. Hunting down potential opponents is only appropriate. Though if we were to run into her, I doubt we would survive as we are now."

"Excellent."

Caster wasted no time reformatting the bounded field around the house, a trivial matter for a sorceress such as herself, the process taking a matter of moments. With that task complete, Luvia reinforced her legs, hopped the front gate, and went around back. The bounded field that only moments earlier had considered her not merely an outsider, but an enemy, now welcomed her.

With a wave of her hand, Caster unlocked the front doors. Her Master let herself inside, and went about making herself at home. The bastion that had housed the Tohsaka lineage for generations was now playing host to their bitter Finnish rivals. The next Tohsaka to attempt to return to this place would receive the same welcome an Edelfelt would have gotten.

She gave herself a tour of the house. It seemed that Tohsaka had been back recently. Very little remained within that would be of value to a mage. Unfortunate. She'd have liked to see that blasted girl's face were she to encounter her wielding one of the gorilla family's own mystic codes against her. Assuming that the family even had any. Nevertheless, she quickly came to realize she quite liked this house. It was truly a shame that such a nice abode had to suffer the presence of such lowborn trash for so many centuries.

It didn't take long for her to determine which room belonged to Rin. However, though rooming there would have been delightfully ironic, she would sooner sleep in a barn that in the same bed as that barbarian. So she went about searching for a guest room. She found none, which was no surprise; mages rarely entertained guests for longer than a few hours. The master bedroom wasn't exactly ideal either, but she had come prepared for such an eventuality. She turned to Caster and gave a brief nod. The Servant snapped her fingers and no less than twelve suitcases tumbled to the floor around her. It had been a hassle getting them all out of the airport, certainly, but it had been a trifle getting a taxi to take her to the edge of town. Then she just had to abandon them after bringing them all a short ways into the forest, and once she arrived at the castle earlier, Caster snapped them up for her. And now here they were. She hoped she wouldn't have to do this too often, of course. She strongly doubted that Medea would be particularly enthusiastic about being reduced to a mere baggage handler.

But back to the task at hand: Always coming prepared. And she had something for almost every eventuality in her luggage.

In this case, that thing was an inflatable mattress.

Whether it was Tohsaka or her parents, Luvia had no interest in sleeping where a member of that backwater family once did.

That decision made, she looked at the rubber surface in perplexity. Where was the bloody mouthpiece? How was she supposed to get air inside of it if there was nothing she could use to blow it up? Caster watched in amusement as Luvia figured out that she could twist the cap off of the air valve, but proceeded to show her ignorance by attempting to blow it up using the power of her lungs. After a few minutes, it was less funny, and more agitating, and quite frankly, the Witch of Betrayal was starting to worry that her Master was going to pass out or die by not understanding that the valve needed to have a hollow pin inserted for any air to go anywhere. However, Luvia had not thought to bring an air pump. Most likely because she didn't know what such a thing was.

Caster had no choice but to explain that she could not inflate the rubber contraption without a device, which she then projected for the young mage, who was exceedingly irate that the Servant had known what to do the whole time but let her make a fool of herself. As was typical of Gradation Air, the pump would vanish once Caster stopped focusing on it, but that wasn't anything particularly trying. And it was her own fault that it took Luvia longer than ten minutes to finish anyway. Upon finishing, having screwed the cap back on as fast as she possibly could to keep the mattress firm, she dug some sheets out of another piece of luggage, and tucked them across the rubber. Luckily, the flannel was at least thick enough to block the chill of the rubber. A few blankets and pillows later, and the only thing that broke the illusion of it being an actual bed was the fact that it was on the floor. But there was no avoiding that. She was borrowing a house, not trying to wreck it. She might not have liked the Tohsaka brat, but she was an Edelfelt for heaven's sake! She had a standard to uphold with her behavior. It's what set her apart from the rabble: She had class.

"Caster, I sense a number of mages already milling about. I know it's a risk, however I'd like to see if we can eliminate any of them preemptively."

Caster nodded.

"Very well. I shall—"

" _You_ shall construct a simple bounded field around the city. I will need you to have significantly greater mana reserves than we currently possess."

"A risk indeed. I'll ask that if you do seriously plan on seeking out participants in the war without me being present, you take extra caution. As for the role you want me to play, on the other hand, I find that to be a fine arrangement. I was actually hoping you would be open to that strategy."

Luvia sighed.

"Yes… about that… I fear that there are some conditions that you'll have to meet."

* * *

"Should'a learned something besides the damn coin grenades…" the mugger grumbled, splashing his face with water from the river that divided Fuyuki. The river was filthy, but he also didn't want fruit stuck to him anymore.

A dog trotted up to him and he wiped his hand on his coat and patted it on the head. It wasn't even one year old. How did she even know to sympathize with him?

"Hey there, Dana. Sorry… no food tonight. Messed up a bit."

He didn't particularly like dogs, but it was a rescued pet—nearly drowned by her owner after his dog gave birth. And something about her resonated with him. Maybe it was just that she was a mutt. Like him. He couldn't leave her by herself in his one-room subterranean apartment; there was no one who'd look after her. So he brought her with.

He lay back on the grass, and the dog sat next to him before cheerfully rolling down the hill and laying down at the bottom. He'd make the circle tomorrow night.

Oh, screw it! He'd do it now. He wasn't going to wait a whole day to start taking what the world owed him. He removed the catalyst from his luggage. It cost him almost everything he had, but when this paid off—and it _would_ pay off—it would be more than worth the week he spent eating nothing but saltine crackers.

People were finally going to show him respect. Even if he had to kill them for it.

* * *

Luvia's investigation was progressing uneventfully. There wasn't likely to be another Master out and about already, not to mention it was two-thirty in the morning and the only people still out were unsavory types or barhoppers.

Or mages.

Nevertheless, what she was doing was a rather sizeable risk, considering her Servant was better suited to espionage and behind-the-scenes work than open combat. However, that was what she wanted to take care of. Caster had explained the functionality of her Noble Phantasm, and the idea of stealing another Master's Servant from them made her tingle all over. The thought of stealing several… ooh, she could actually taste victory in her mouth.

Of course, Caster couldn't yet support more than one other Servant with her current mana supply, so while Luvia went out scouting, her new friend was setting up a bounded field around a residential neighborhood. Nothing too fancy, just a weak mana siphon system until they find a more permanent solution. Caster had suggested a more efficient means of mana collection, but Luvia had decided against it due to the above average risk of fatalities, especially amongst children, who didn't have nearly as much mana to spare.

Ultimately, Caster had agreed. Or in her words:

"While I'm not above killing children, you have a point in that it would be something of a waste."

Luvia had to admit that this comment had taken her by surprise.

"Good to know…" she had said, distaste coating her voice like marmite on a birthday cake.

Caster's weaker field was certainly going to cause some cold and flu symptoms, but nobody would die, and the bounded field would be gone soon enough once the two of them figured out a better way of collecting mana.

She would have thought about this for a fair bit longer, but then she saw the exact thing she hadn't expected.

"Well then," she said to herself, "it seems this is where the fun starts."

* * *

Caster admired her handiwork as she completed her bounded field.

There really wasn't all that much to admire. It was just so inefficient… heaven help her, it had barely taken her three hours to construct the entire thing, but as per her Master's specifications, it wouldn't kill anyone. Or at least, no one who wasn't already dying. It wasn't easy to destroy, but it was exceptionally weak, considering what she was capable of.

She wanted to find Souichirou. He was the one thing that resonated with her current self from her precious incarnation. It was strange; no matter where in the city she scanned she couldn't find any sign of him. She needed to ask those two brats what had happened to him after she sacrificed herself. That said, she wasn't naïve: She knew Souichirou. Or… a version of herself had known him. And it was a Grail War. There weren't very many scenarios that would have a favorable outcome for her. In all likelihoods, he was dead. Meeting those children would almost certainly be fatal to someone, but her mind wouldn't be at ease until she knew…

To get her mind off of that business, she thought of ways she could acquire more power. The survivors of the previous war were already wise to her 'gas leaks,' so there was no using that strategy again. She didn't want said brats getting in her way. She had enough mana at her immediate disposal at present, her new domain being situated on top of a leyline, but more was always better.

At the moment, her Master's primary suggestion was to construct a bounded field that fed on people's emotions. She could also kill sections of the forest surrounding the city. An old enough tree could have a fair but of mana stored up in its branches. As much as any city block she'd siphoned, but on the other hand, most trees barely had anything. It was only the oldest that yielded results, so she'd need to search for specific trees in a forest. What was that saying about the best place to hide a tree? Gods be damned, this was a frustrating puzzle she was being forced to riddle out. Irritating to have a master who seemed ruthless on the one hand, but wouldn't even consider involving outsiders.

An odd thought crossed her mind unbidden. Why was this war happening so soon after the previous one? She dismissed the notion. It wasn't her immediate concern. She'd have plenty of time to think about that later.

"Caster, I believe that the appropriate phrase is 'target acquired,' " said Luvia through their telepathic connection.

Her work done, Caster activated the field, faded into spirit form, and teleported to her Master's side.

* * *

Two witches hid in an alleyway, watching a pair of unsuspecting men. Or at least, Luvia certainly hoped they were unsuspecting.

"He's just letting his servant walk around in the open like that?" Caster scoffed." I sincerely hope that he's merely cocky beyond reason. Because if he isn't, it means he really is just that stupid. And really, where's the sport in that?"

"It could also be a trap," Luvia pointed out.

Caster grinned. "Except that it isn't. There are no people around and not even a trace of magic worked into the area."

Luvia frowned.

"You're right. This one _is_ boring."

"Would you prefer it if I attempted this preemptive strike?" Caster asked.

"Tempting, but you can't discount the fact that this is most certainly a knight class servant we're dealing with. If it's the Saber or the Archer, you might have a chance, but even then it's a very slim chance at that. And if it's the Lancer, you'll be skewered before you even get near him.

"You make a good point," Caster nodded, expression grim.

"I'll distract them. If he's dumb enough to think that walking around with his Servant on display is a good idea, he might just believe _I'm_ the Caster class servant."

She forged ahead, moving to intercept the pair at the next intersection.

"Strike only when I give the signal. I'll launch a gold stone into the air and shatter it like a firework. And just to be clear, you _do_ intend to steal this simpleton's Servant, correct?"

"Of course, Master," Medea nodded, vanishing a moment later.

Luvia crept forward, approaching the man with what was probably unnecessary caution. It wasn't long before she could hear his voice. She quickly decided that she would have been happier not to have gotten an earful of his obscene vernacular.

"So then I say to her, 'if you don't want me to complain, then stop screaming like a bitch all the time! I swear, I'm surrounded by fuckin' dumbasses."

He was so engrossed in his monologue—and it _was_ a monologue; the Servant wasn't speaking at all—that he didn't even notice her step into the road in front of him.

"My, what a vulgar creature you are," she said, "do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"The woman died last year. Didn't listen to me when I told her to see a doctor. Bring her into this and I'll rip your guts out through your mouth."

"My…erm… apologies, I wasn't aware. However—"

"The hell do think you are anyway, speaking like some sorta princess or some shit? Go the fuck home and play with your dolls. Or my friend here will just beat the shit out of you and that'll be that."

"How rude of you," Luvia glared at the man. "Let me give you a demonstration," she said, "of why it's important not to offend your superiors." She pulled a fistful of jewels out of her satchel.

He threw something at her before she could throw them.

There was clink of a coin landing on the pavement nearby and she looked down at her feet to see an American penny. Wait. Was it _glowing?_

She jumped out of the way as the coin exploded in a human-sized fireball. Okay, so he was a mage after all. She threw her gems just in time to intercept the mage's next attack. She really was lucky that this guy was arrogant enough to not bother using his Servant.

The gems detonated, the shockwave carrying his coins back toward him.

"Sonofabitch! Saber!"

The servant nodded, a slim sword with a golden hilt materialized in his hands, blocking the ensuing explosion.

"Shall I dispose of her, Master?" the Servant asked.

"No, even I can handle this one. Just play defense if she does anything too dangerous.

The Saber sighed. His master was truly hopeless.

"Truly, is that all your capable of? Making bits of metal explode?" Luvia taunted.

"Better than wasting jewels! …just my luck; there are two of this girl, but this one's even more obnoxious…"

"Pardon me? Did I hear you call me, Luviagelita Edelfelt, obnoxious? Of all the foolish trifling things to say. You have no idea how much trouble you're in, do you?"

The American spat at her.

"Go fuck yourself! Saber, gimme that sword."

She actually _wished_ she had misheard him. Was this fool really a mage? Never mind that, she just didn't like this man's attitude, so she'd beat him up a little, real mage or not. Either way, he had a servant. She threw a handful of gems at the man, which spiked out in random directions. Fortunately for the Master, the swordsman took the hit for him.

"Master, I mean no offence, but are you sure that's wise?" he grunted, pulling away from the crystals which shattered moments later. "I cannot fight as effectively without a sword. I will be far more useful to you—"

"Shut up, moron, just give me the damn sword!"

The Servant, put a hand to his head as though he were suffering from a particularly bad headache.

"As you desire, Master," he said, handing over his sword.

Likely a holy weapon.

"You… have my deepest sympathies, Servant," she said, making eye contact. "Sincerely."

There was a jingling of coins and Luvia noticed that he'd managed to leave an entire handful on the ground in front of her. She rolled to the side.

Moments later a sword nearly pierced her somewhere unmentionable, but for another timely roll.

"Really? Attempting to 'penetrate' me with a holy artifact? I'm asking you seriously now," she spat. "Is there any part of you that _isn't_ utter filth?!"

"Oh, insulting me now are you?"

"Oh, you can attempt to ram a sword up my posterior—I hope—ignoring just for the moment that it's likely a timeless, divine artifact, but _I'm_ insulting _you?_ "

She threw another gem at him, which liquefied, expanded, and resolidified around one of his feet. Then she reinforced her arms and legs and pounded him until he managed to escape.

"Damn right you're insulting me! You've already pissed me off! You're stupid, you're whiney, you think you're better than me—"

"I don't _think_ ; it's just obvious! To anyone! Just by listening to you for more than ten seconds! And considering how vile you really are, simply being called my inferior is a _complement!_ I don't even know how you—"

She dodged a swipe from the Servant's sword, as the Master swung it around artlessly.

"Stop interrupting me, you stupid whore! I get enough of this crap at home! Everything you've said to me tonight has been a big mistake," he snarled, flailing about with the sword, "But I can't expect a stupid bitch like you to learn her _goddamn lesson_ the first _goddamn time_ , so maybe I'll hold out on killing you and have some fun first."

"You'll regret saying that almost as much as you would regret trying."

Three more coins landed in a line near her and exploded, and she threw down another of her yet unused gems to form a wall of stone in front of her. The flames singed her slightly, but she didn't take the full brunt of the hit.

"Hey, you! The hell do you think you're doing, moron?!" he shouted at his Servant, though he wasn't considerate enough to at least turn halfway around to look at who he was shouting at, "Stop playing with yourself and get the fuck over here! You're supposed to kill her, aren't you?"

"I'm also a swordsman. But as you can see, I no longer have a sword. Ridiculous, but your choice, nevertheless. And you instructed me to take no action beyond defending you. Should you return my sword, I can deal with her."

As the American continued swinging said sword at her, Luvia threw a handful of jewels at the American, but stumbled, and most of them merely exploded well above him, though a few fragments still managed to pelt the man in the back of the head.

"You sonofa—I order you by command seal to kill this bitch!" he snarled.

The servant seized up for a moment, then stood still.

"I'm afraid not," he said.

"…the hell are you saying! You can't disobey me, I've given you an unbreakable command!"

"Except you're not his Master anymore," said Caster.

"And just who the fuck are you?"

"I am your personal gateway to Hades, if you don't immediately clean up this little act of yours. And I recommend you be quick about it."

She left the ground, her cloak billowed out behind her like a pair of bat wings, and several purple nodes of lethal energy appeared in the air above her.

"You can't just steal another Master's Servant! Fine, I'm not the sharpest tool in the toolbox, but you really think I'm that much of a fucking dumbass that I'd believe that load of horseshit!"

Caster held up her hand to display three command seals, and judging by the look on the American's face, he recognized them. His eyes shot toward his hand. There was nothing on it but some very faint red marks. Shapeless, like a rash.

"How the fuck did you—?"

"It's my Noble Phantasm. It's appropriately called Rule Breaker."

She made a twisted looking dagger materialize in her hand. "If I can only get close enough to a servant and stab them in the heart with this blade, they become my own," she turned to look at the Servant she had just appropriated. "I apologize, by the way. I imagine that stung for a moment. And after having the misfortune of being summoned by _that_ thing. You drew the short straw, it seems. In this case, these command seals will be mine in form only. I'm turning this Servant over to my Master. I'm terrible in a fight, you see, so now we both have a decent bodyguard."

"Don't worry about my feelings for being stabbed. Thank you. Being under this cretin's control for only fourteen hours was enough to make me consider suicide. Not realistically of course. He's… tolerable, merely aggravating to spend all one's time with. Speaking of which…"

He approached his former Master and held out his hand.

"Return my blade to me now, and I won't punch you in the head that sits so uselessly on your shoulders. I will if you force me to take it back myself."

The American, so full of himself not a minute earlier, was now on his knees, trembling. He dropped the weapon and scrambled backward.

"You can't do this, you bitch!" he screamed at Caster as the Servant picked up his sword.

"You have no idea how close you just came to being reduced to slime just now," she sneered. "And I'm afraid I can.

"I pity you. Whatever life you have is a mountain of disappointments. You can't please anyone, not even yourself. You take out all your frustration on your girlfriend, because you were fired for taking it out on your coworkers. You picked on so many people, yet the most pathetic of these other people was a god compared to you.

"You're a hack mage, barely capable of anything beyond making tiny bits of metal explode, and you wanted the Grail so that you could force people to love and respect you. You failed before you began, because not only do you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take, you also miss one hundred percent of those you do. You delude yourself into seeing a world that isn't there. A world where you're important. That's why you get so angry with everyone. Because every time anyone opens their mouth, they shatter your entire world. Because you aren't important. You have no value, no purpose, and nobody will ever care about you. Were I to kill you here, no one would grieve. I'm sure that several of the people you've hurt would even pay good money to watch.

She frowned, ruefully.

"I would give anything to be in your place."

The American was sputtering with rage. How dare this whore try to analyze him! How dare she mock him! What fucking right—

"I'm not mocking you," she said, looking at his stunned expression with little enthusiasm, "Yes, I _did_ just read your mind, and yes, I _would_ in fact switch places with you in a heartbeat. But, tragically, that's impossible.

"Now run along before I decide that killing you is a better punishment than allowing you to live."

"So that's it? I just lose before I even start? I'm supposed to just walk away and go back to my shitty life?!"

"Be glad you're going back to a life at all."

"Bitch!"

There was a jingling sound as a dog scampered over to him, the metal tags on her collar clinking together.

He struggled onto his feet.

"Ah, I see. There _is_ someone who would grieve, even if that someone is an animal. You should be satisfied with that. Many don't even have the luxury of a single companion. And I should know. Now, please, run along while I still tolerate your existence upon this earth."

Oddly enough, he made the smart choice this time, running off like his life depended on it, which it likely would have had he stayed much longer. The dog followed at his heels. It was charming in a way. It actually seemed to like him, so he must have had a few redeeming qualities, though Luvia didn't care to be in his company long enough to see what they were.

She looked up at Medea, who had let her cloak fold back around her shoulders and began descending to the sidewalk.

"Exactly why would you want to trade places with him?" she asked. The very thought made her skin crawl.

"Not just him. You would be an acceptable substitute. Or that Tohsaka girl, or any of the normal humans that scurry about this city during the day. Because, unlike me," she said, conjuring a noose and staring at it dispassionately, "you actually die when someone drops the floor out from under you."

"I don't…understand," said Luvia.

Caster sighed.

"Would you like to hear the long answer or the short answer?"

Short, for now, please.

"I have something of… well, I suppose you could call it a character deficiency. You know my story, don't you? About how I fell in love with Jason before I ever met him thanks to that bitch of a love goddess."

Luvia nodded. What exactly had happened to this woman since the end of her myth?

"I simply loathe being used. It's been a constant for most of my existence. I assure you, I'm not of a mind to take my own life, but returning to the Throne every time I die, effectively being the gods' plaything for all eternity, is a damnation that I would do anything to escape."

The Master could only nod her head. She had no idea how to sympathize with that situation. And she realized it wasn't an exaggeration; Medea spent her entire life being jerked around like a puppet for Aphrodite's personal soap opera, And in a way, now Luvia was the puppeteer. Perhaps not a goddess, but a manipulator nonetheless.

"Medea… Truth be told, I don't know what to say…" she paused. "However, if you ever have the slightest grievance in the time you remain here, please let me know. I shall not lie; I cannot guarantee that I will prioritize your concerns, but I want you to know that I have no intention of making this a one-sided arrangement. For as long as you are my Servant, your needs will be my own."

Medea allowed herself soft, if lopsided smile.

"That is surprisingly generous of you, Master. I will endeavor not to abuse this privilege. Thank you."

A moment later, Caster remembered that she actually did have a request for the Edelfelt girl.

"Actually, this in mind, if it wouldn't be an inconvenience tomorrow night, I would appreciate it if we could find the Tohsaka brat and get some information out of her. There's something she knows that's of vital importance to me.

"As for you," she continued turning to look at their new companion with a smirk. The knight had stood by silently through the whole exchange. This one was a disciplined hero, she could say that much immediately. "You're the Saber, are you not?" she asked.

"Indeed. My true name is—"

"Save the introductions for when we return to our Master's current residence."

The Saber shrugged.

"Very well. Lead on."

Luvia stretched her arms out above her head as she began her short trek back to the Tohsaka mansion. The sun would be rising in a few hours, so she needed to get her sleep if she was going to be up from midday until some point well past midnight.

She had this contest as good as won.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I totally ditched Lancer… Whoops…**

 **Believe it or not, that American slimeball was even more obnoxious in my first draft. Like, a lot more. But I needed to give him a dog. And the person I based him on, a guy I was unfortunate enough to know, well… he was much more reprehensible than this comparatively upstanding gent, so I needed to change the character.**

 **Also, hello to the MIKON! Camp! Who's excited for bad puns and assertiveness so subtle you can only scratch its surface?! I am!**


End file.
